Faux Twitter Tweet of the Day

Brady & Sanchez do pretty well but nobody in the NFL gets more bootylicious tail than Big Daddy Andy!

Andy Reid        November 6th

Bonus Tweets from Andy Reid

There is nothing better than coming from behind…and not just to win a football game. 

My biggest inspiration in life is Sir Mix-A-lot.  Baby Got Back is the best song and video ever.

When I deliver the money shot I always yell Jelly Donuts!  Is that TMI?

Hitting the Links

Although he isn’t writing as many columns these days, we are still fans of Bill Simmons.  Well, at least when he isn’t referencing Teen Wolf, Karate Kid, Beverly Hills 90210 and the Real World/Road Rules Challenge.  

While Simmons seems to be as popular as ever right now, even the most fervent Sports Guy supporters have to admit that he has lost a good 6-8 mph on his fastball.  Perhaps he’s spread too thin because of everything he has been doing lately other than writing columns.  Maybe he’s simply burned out.  Whatever the case, it’s quite clear that Bill has a big bulls-eye on his back. 

In fact, Simmons is such an easy target  (and rightly so in most cases) that picking apart his columns is like shooting fish in a barrel wolves from a helicopter.  That said, I particularly enjoyed this FJM style critique by Drew Magary.  Kissing Suzy Kolber

Shaq thinks Gilbert Arenas has a pretty good idea how his ass tastes   Sir Charles In Charge

I could watch clips of Office Space every day and never get bored  The Chronicles Of Scott

Check out the latest and greatest with the Florida Panthers  The Rat Trick

A look back at Brett Favre’s return to Lambeau   The Viking Age

Do the Orlando Magic even need Rashard Lewis?   Howard The Dunk 

Why it’s better to be a Broncos fan than a Steelers fan  Predominantly Orange

1. Tim Tebow – this could very well be the best Halloween costume ever

2. Brett Favre – Jon Gruden, Ron Jaworski, Tony Kornheiser and John Madden are the first four guys in a very long line.  Peter King is also back on #4’s bandwagon and he’s 12th in line with kneepads in hand.  

3. Derek Jeter – Minka Kelly probably services Jeter quite admirably, but it pales in comparison to the mainstream media.

4. Barack Obama – The Chosen One’s magic touch is nearly gone though.  We tried to warn him about Pelosi and Company but he wouldn’t listen. 

5. Will Ferrell – Once upon a time he was funny, but how many craptastic movies is he going to make before there is another good one?

Unfortunately, I missed this event back on August 22nd but I understand Tom Cable also took on his ex-wife and former girlfriend in the undercard match.   In case you haven’t heard already, physical abuse/battery allegations were just levied against the pugilistic Raiders head coach.

In a related story, Al Davis has reportedly signed Cable to 5-year contract extension.  Earlier this afternoon, Davis released a statement that said the following, “Tom’s commitment to excellence in the field of battering weak women has been exemplary and we want to keep him in the Raider family as long as possible.” 

Raider Nation:  Do you agree with Grandpa Al’s decision?

The San Diego Chargers have now won 13 straight over their biggest rival.  Hell, can it even be called a rivalry anymore if one team has won thirteen games in a row?

Probably not, but one thing is for sure: It’s safe for the women and children to come out now because the Raiders and their fans have left town.  Check out this classic commercial from the good folks at King Stahlman Bail Bonds. 

On Thursday we wondered what Rasheed Wallace would have to say after reading the following excerpt from former referee Tim Donaghy’s new book: 

To have a little fun at the expense of the worst troublemakers, the referees working the game would sometimes make a modest friendly wager amongst themselves: first ref to give one of the bad boys a technical foul wouldn’t have to tip the ball boy that night. In the NBA, ball boys set up the referees’ locker room and keep it stocked with food and beer for the postgame meal. We usually ran the kid ragged with a variety of personal requests and then slipped him a $20 bill. Technically, the winner of the bet won twice-he didn’t have to pay the kid and he got to call a T on Mr. Foul-Mouthed Big-Shot Du Jour.

After the opening tip, it was hilarious as the three of us immediately focused our full attention on the intended victim, waiting for something, anything, to justify a technical foul. If the guy so much as looked at one of us and mumbled, we rang him up. Later in the referees’ locker room, we would down a couple of brews, eat some chicken wings, and laugh like hell.

Well, the wait is over.  Sheed was asked about about the excerpt and according to this Boston Herald article here are his comments:

“Hey,” said Wallace, “it lets people know that I ain’t a liar. I mean, that’s pretty much all I got to say about that. Everybody thought I was crazy and militant, but, hey, it came to light.”

Oh, yeah, nine times out of 10,” Wallace said. “Especially (those years) they gave me 38 and 40 techs just for looking, laughing, saying the slightest little thing. I mean, c’mon. They say I complain and this and that, but during those years I didn’t complain more than the next man.”

In a related note, the NBA will be reviewing the accusations made by Donaghy.  Uh huh.  We’re sure a very thorough review will be conducted by Napoleon Stern and his minions, but we’re not going to hold our breath.

Welcome to a brand new monthly feature here at Pacman Jonesin’ called Snap Takes & Sinister Spin.  The feature was inspired by a tweet from the Twitter account of the bronzed and stylish @RicBucher.  While we do like to kid Ric (screw the K at the end, who needs it), his NBA commentary, sideline reports and insights are really topnotch.    

Snap Take I:  Mike Brown coaches the best basketball player on the planet and doesn’t have a clue how to use him!

Snap Take II: How many times is Brown going to continue to instuct LeBron to go 1 on 5 or run a high screen & roll with a big man (Anderson Varejao or Shaquille O’Neal) 20-25 feet from the basket?  It’s complete insanity!

Snap Take III:  O’Neal and Varejao both can’t shoot from more than 10 ft. from the hoop.  The fact that they are running high screens is nonsensical.  Here is what Brown needs to do immediately:

1. Limit the time Varejao and Shaq are on the floor simultaneously to the first 6 minutes of each half

2. Ensure that Varejao and Shaq play no more than 24 -28 minutes per game

3. Zydrunas Ilgauskas is a proficient outside shooter and can execute the pick and pop very well.  He is the one who should be setting screens/picks for LeBron 20 ft. from the basket.  Illgauskas needs to be on the floor more often in a high/low scenario with either Varejao or Shaq.  

4. Continue to bring Ilgauskas off the bench and play him at least 30 minutes per game

5. Start playing LeBron at PF for long stretches rather than making him bring the ball up the court and roam around the perimeter

6. Plant LeBron’s ass down on one of the blocks and keep him there.  Nobody in the league can guard James and he’ll be virtually unstoppable on the block and in the paint

7. Insist that GM Danny Ferry make a deal for Stephen Jackson.  Jax is a hothead, but James & O’Neal will keep him in check.  A package of J.J. Hickson and Delonte West (plus other considerations to make the salaries match) should get it done.  Hell, West and Nellie are both certifiable so it should be a match made in heaven.

Sinister Spin:  Signs and banners are now prohibited at FedEx Field ”to protect spectators from getting injured.” 

I’m not even kidding.  This spin from the twisted mind of Daniel Snyder is really more moronic than sinister, however, because it’s also disastrous, harmful and unfavorable it qualifes.  Things are so bad in Washington these days that Danny Boy is making Al Davis look competent.

Faux Twitter Tweet of the Day

Take this money and don’t print Tim Donaghy’s book or else you’ll wake up with Violet Palmer’s a horse’s head in your bed.

David Stern      October 29th  

Um Houston, I think we have a problem.  Excerpts of former referee Tim Donaghy’s new book Blowing The Whistle: The Culture Of Fraud In The NBA were posted yesterday and some of the revelations are quite damning…to say the least:

To have a little fun at the expense of the worst troublemakers, the referees working the game would sometimes make a modest friendly wager amongst themselves: first ref to give one of the bad boys a technical foul wouldn’t have to tip the ball boy that night. In the NBA, ball boys set up the referees’ locker room and keep it stocked with food and beer for the postgame meal. We usually ran the kid ragged with a variety of personal requests and then slipped him a $20 bill. Technically, the winner of the bet won twice-he didn’t have to pay the kid and he got to call a T on Mr. Foul-Mouthed Big-Shot Du Jour.

After the opening tip, it was hilarious as the three of us immediately focused our full attention on the intended victim, waiting for something, anything, to justify a technical foul. If the guy so much as looked at one of us and mumbled, we rang him up. Later in the referees’ locker room, we would down a couple of brews, eat some chicken wings, and laugh like hell.

We had another variation of this gag simply referred to as the “first foul of the game” bet. While still in the locker room before tip-off, we would make a wager on which of us would call the game’s first foul. That referee would either have to pay the ball boy or pick up the dinner tab for the other two referees. Sometimes, the ante would be $50 a guy. Like the technical foul bet, it was hilarious-only this time we were testing each other’s nerves to see who had the guts to hold out the longest before calling a personal foul. There were occasions when we would hold back for two or three minutes-an eternity in an NBA game-before blowing the whistle. It didn’t matter if bodies were flying all over the place; no fouls were called because no one wanted to lose the bet.

We played this little game during the regular season and summer league. After a game, all three refs would gather around the VCR and watch a replay of the game. Early in the contest, the announcers would say, “Holy cow! They’re really letting them play tonight!” If they only knew…

Yeesh.  I can’t wait to hear what Rasheed Wallace has to say after he sees this excerpt and all of the other ones.  Will he have an opportunity to read the entire book though? 

At this point, it appears not.  The book’s publisher, Random House, was scheduled to publish Blow The Whistle next month but evidently has now backed out because of the possibility of an NBA lawsuit.   

David Stern and his Nazi regime certainly may have threatened Random House and it’s subsidiary, Triumph Books, with a lawsuit.  However, let’s read between the lines, shall we?  I’m not Monk, but I have to think a cash payment was made by one of Stern’s minions to ensure Donaghy’s book never sees the light of day.     

Power, money and greed corrupt people.  It’s really a simple fact of life that will never change.  Napoleon Stern may have saved the league back in the early 80’s, but these referee revelations may ultimately prove to be his Waterloo.

Yankees vs. Phillies. Game 1. Don’t watch the insipid commercials…check out the following links instead: 

Nick Swisher may need to take a page out of Steve Phillips’ playbook     Babes Love Baseball

The Egregious 8: Wait, Garrett Morris isn’t the head coach of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers?   Gunaxin 

Checking in on the chimps at the BCS   Global Sports Fraternity

The Boston Celtics looked good last night vs. LeBron & Co.   Josh Q. Public

The Orlando Magic open the season tonight against the 76ers and Ryan Anderson (the next Dirk Nowitzki?) is in the starting lineup    Howard The Dunk

How does your favorite NFL team stack up on ebay?     Terapeak