Dear Loyal Readers (all 87 of you),

I haven’t been blogging very much lately here on Pacman Jonesin’ and the reason is simple: it’s my intention to corner the market on the Kim Kardashian fragrance and become a multi-millionaire. 

Although I will be back from time to time, my number one goal right now is to acquire as much of this once in a lifetime fragrance as possible, sell it to the highest bidder and move out of my mother’s basement with the proceeds.  Please wish me luck. 

Sincerely,

Drew

Two helicopters hovered over my neighborhood early Friday morning.  As the area had been ravaged by fire two times during the past decade a feeling of deja vu immediately set in.

However, I later found out the helicopters were in the air to search for a missing girl who disappeared about 15 miles north of my home.  Thousands of people have joined the search for this girl, Chelsea King, but to date the news is far from encouraging.

I’m not sure if posting the above video and this link about Chelsea will help, but it is the least I can do under the circumstances.  Tragically, these situations never seem to end well.  However, I sincerely hope this one has a happy ending.

The other day I unloaded on Sacramento Kings head coach Paul Westphal for his clueless coaching style and inane response to a little benign commentary from promising center Spencer Hawes.  In the above video,  Westphal hilariously low-fives Hawes and even gives him a chest bump.  Classic!

Speaking of chest bumps, check out Herm Edwards admiring the protuberances on the chest of ESPN hottie Sage Steele    Shawn Kemp’s Kids

Ladainian Tomlinson is no longer a member of the San Diego Chargers.  In his farewell press conference LT shed a few tears, but I have no doubt that he’ll be looking to stick it to the Chargers whenever possible.   The possible suitors for LT are endless, but look for him to land in Big D as a short yardage/goal line back.   Don’t be shocked if Marion Barber departs and LT, Tashard Choice and Felix Jones split carries for the Cowboys.     Fan I.Q.

With most of the intention focused on the Olympics,  LeBron James Summer Sweepstakes, Draft Combine and never ending Tiger Woods Saga, The NFL announced that it has declined to punish Oakland Raiders head coach Tom Cable.

Really?  Racial overtones anyone?  What if Mr. Cable was a different skin color?  I have to think his actions would have warranted at least a two or three game suspension from Adolf Goodell.  Am I wrong?

Drew blogs on a regular basis at Shawn Kemp’s Kids and can be reached at drew@shawnkempskids.com

For the most part, Tiger Woods is getting roasted/anihilated/killed today…and deservedly so.  The entire fiasco has been a public relations nightmare from the very beginning and this morning’s “press conference” definitely added fuel to the fire.  Over on Shawn Kemp’s Kids I provided a few brief thoughts but have made the conscious decision not to pile on.  Feel free to hop over to SKK from time to time as I’ll be blogging on that site a bit more often during the coming months.  As far as the trade deadline is concerned…

I really thought the Charlotte Bobcats were one of the big winners yesterday afternoon.  Sure, Cleveland and Houston certainly improved considerably.  However, I think Charlotte adding Tyrus Thomas and Theo Ratliff to the mix should enable them to get all the way to the finals in the East. 

Fine, go ahead and laugh.  In May, just remember that Drew told you it was going to happen.  If my man Boris Diaw continues to play hard and well, the Bobcats will be playing either the Cavs or Magic in the finals.  Mark my words.  As Boris goes, so go the Bobcats.   

I also thought the Milwaukee Bucks acquisition of John Salmons was a prudent one.  Back in early November I was really down on Scott Skiles and the Bucks, but I now believe they will find a way to capture the 8th and final slot in the playoffs. 

Finally, I have to give props to Donnie Walsh in New York.  He pushed all-in and is definitely going for broke this summer.  Even if LeBron and one of his pals (Bosh or Wade) don’t come to the Big Apple, Walsh had no choice but to mortgage the future and take a substantial risk. 

As far as trade deadline losers are concerned, I’d have to go with the Miami Heat and Phoenix Suns.  Both teams have glaring deficiencies that weren’t addressed and I have a sneaking suspicison that they will find themselves on the outside of the playoffs looking in.  We shall see…

Although I’m not a psychic (as far as you know), I’m almost certain that you’ll be seeing the following headlines before February comes to a close:

1.  Al Michaels Morphs Into John Madden

This just in:  Al Michaels is fat.  You know how a lot of guys gain weight when their wives/girlfriends/baby mamas are pregnant?  I think there is even a clinical term for it called sympathy weight.   Well, it appears as though Michaels has packed on a few a lot of pounds since John Madden left his side on Sunday Night Football.  Does Michaels miss Madden?  Is he paying homage to his hefty former broadcast partner? Once the Olympics end, I’ll reach out to Big Al and ask him to weigh in on the issue.

2.  Al Davis Signs Long Snapper Jon Condo To $10 million Deal

Speaking of fat guys, Raiders kicker Sebastian Janikowski, signed a $16 million contract earlier today.  This enormous deal comes a year after Davis bestowed punter Shane Lechler with a 4-yr $12 million contract.  Is there any doubt that Condo is going to be the next Raider player to ink an eight figure deal?

3.  Tiger Woods Banged Marilyn Chambers While She Was On Her Deathbed

After everything that has happened to Tiger during the past 2 1/2 months, would you even raise an eyebrow at this headline?  Of course not.  What if a close family friend of Chambers said that Woods paid the 56-year old former porn star a visit a few days before she died in April of last year and engaged in a rigorous lovemaking session Behind the Green Door?  Not me.  At this point there is absolutely nothing that would surprise me as far as Tiger is concerned.

4.  Marcus Camby Lost For Season With Patella Injury

What are the odds of three centers on one team sustaining season ending patella related injuries?  10,000:1?  500,000:1?  5,000,000:1?  I’m not sure, but I’m definitely putting $50 on Camby going down.

5. Clippers Trade Chris Kaman To Thunder for Etan Thomas, Kevin Ollie, DJ White & Cash

After the Clippers got just 40 cents on the dollar for Camby, anything is possible…especially when Donald Sterling and Mike Dunleavy are calling the shots.

Here are six completely random thoughts and observations that have been on my mind during the past 96 hours.  They may be of interest only to me, but I’m going to share them with you anyway:

1.  Although Nate Robinson won the dunk contest at the NBA All-Star Weekend for the third time, nearly everyone who had the misfortune of watching the event was disappointed.   Why was it such a bomb?  Frankly, there was no WOW factor.

Rather than merely bringing the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders out on to the court to wave their pom poms,  Robinson should have tried to dunk over one of them.  Only instead of executing the dunk to perfection (like he did while soaring over Spud Webb in the above picture), Nate should have gone with a Teabag Slam.  Now that is a lasting image that would have grabbed headlines.

2.  In a couple hours, evidently a porn star will be going on Inside Edition to allege that Tiger Woods impregnated her twice.  Who knows if there is any truth to the allegations, but it is pretty clear that Tiger and the porn skank did have some sort of relationship.  Whether he was involved with Perkins Restaurant employees or porn stars, it’s evident that Tiger really wasn’t very discriminating.  If a woman was willing, so was Tiger.  Forget the convenient excuse of being a sex addict, it seems as though Woods just isn’t a very smart man.

3.  President Barack Obama is floundering and the news that Indiana Senator Evan Bayh will not be seeking re-election only compounds his problems.  Here is what Bayh had to say earlier today:

“For some time, I have had a growing conviction that Congress is not operating as it should. There is too much partisanship and not enough progress — too much narrow ideology and not enough practical problem-solving,” he said.

No shit, Sherlock.  Although what Bayh said was obvious, Obama should take the comments to heart.  As soon as he starts distancing himself from Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid, the better off he (and the country) will be.

4.  This just in:  Queen Rania of Jordan is smoking hot.  On 60 Minutes last night Scott Pelley reported that Bill Clinton spent a great deal of time talking to the queen at a recent conference in Switzerland.  Of course he did…and if you think Slick Willie had even the slightest interest in maternal mortality then you are crazier than Glenn Beck on a good day.

5.    Over the weekend I saw Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief with my kids and it was actually somewhat entertaining.  At no point during the entire movie was I even close to nodding off and falling asleep.  Of course, the presence of Rosario Dawson 2/3 of the way through certainly helped considerably.  Ms. Dawson looked spectacular and was worth the price of admission all by herself.

6.  I have always thought Jessica Biel is hit or miss.  At times she looks stunning, but for some reason at other times is purely pedestrian.  Well, in Valentine’s Day it is the former.  While the movie is only so-so (intermittently funny but very contrived), there is no disputing that Biel brought her ‘A’ game to the role.  I can’t quite put my finger on why she is so up and down, but it might have something to do with the length of her hair.  The locks were long in this one and that definitely appears to be the way to go for JB.

Hey, don’t look now but there was an Adam “Pacman” Jones sighting yesterday in Cincinnati.   Of course there was.  If Pacman is ever going to make a triumphant return to the NFL, it has to be with the Bengals doesn’t it?

While taking a break between drills, Pacman was kind enough to recommend the following links to check out:

Steve Nash is the most ridiculous man in the world The Hoop Doctors via NESW Sports

Josh Howard and Matt Carroll have a little fun with new Dallas Mavericks forward Eduardo Najera    Lowposts

20 Awful Romantic Comedy Movie Posters    Flicksided

Pistol Pete Maravich was one of a kind  Josh Q. Public

Michelle Lombardo is this week’s Hump Day Hottie    Thunder Treats

A few Super Bowl interviews you may have missed   Global Sports Fraternity

Portland taking Sam Bowie instead of Michael Jordan will be the biggest NBA Draft blunder for the rest of eternity.  Or will it?

Kevin Durant has now scored 25 or more points in 25 consecutive games.  At the age of 22, Durant is already one of the top three players in the league.  Outside of LeBron James there isn’t a human being on the planet with more talent.  I guess not being able to bench press 185 pounds coming out of college isn’t such a big deal after all. 

Ah, what could have been for the Portland Trailblazers.  Instead of Jordan and Durant they ended up with Bowie and Greg Oden.  Rather than getting two of the all-time greats, Portland got stuck with a couple of brittle centers who never realized their potential. 

Although KD may never win as many titles as MJ or score as many total points, Durant has a realistic chance of going down as one of the five greatest players ever.  He is simply that good…and only getting better.