A brief history lesson is needed before I move on to the first installment of this feature…

My brother’s league — The Dirty Dozen — is probably the craziest fantasy football league around. We have a cop and an ex-felon who absolutely hate each other. We have two guys who are so crazy they’d probably get kicked off of Eminem’s tour bus. We have a bitter father-sons triangle-of-hatred rivalry. We have more shit talking on our message boards than Joey Porter’s pre-game ritual. We think one guy, The Mick, actually hires a bunch of keyboard-proficient chimps to draft for him. The Pig gets the first pick every year, and routinely misses the playoffs with studs like Larry Johnson and Shaun Alexander.

It’s a crazy league, but it’s also one of the most serious leagues around. I’ve constructed “big boards” for our drafts that Jerry Jones and Co. would envy, and a few people are talking about hiring assistants and statisticians for our upcoming draft. My brother even got himself a blingin’ championship ring for winning last season. Yes, we’ve gone that far.

The smack is the real highlight, though. My dad — whose been married six times now — probably takes more punishment than anyone. I dubbed his team the “Alimony Ponies” and the dubious nickname has all but stuck. I promise to quote the league’s primo banter often once the season kicks off.

By the way, I was our first ever champion, and I’ve only missed the playoffs once (via tiebreaker). I don’t just talk — I back it up.

Anyway, the focus of this installment is drafting against the general consensus, or popular picks.

For instance, some gurus and most fantasy footballers would probably scold you for picking Steven Jackson ahead of Larry Johnson. Even though I’m a die-hard Kansas City Chiefs fan who thinks L.J. will have a great year, I’m probably going to have to recommend Jackson by a hair. The Rams have an explosive offense and a sorry-ass defense. That combination guarantees a load of goalline touches for “Action” Jackson.

With Johnson, you have a ball-control offense with a rookie QB, and what looks like it could be the most-improved defense in the NFL. Now, while I believe L.J. is the best pure rusher in the league, I also believe that Jackson will see considerably more goalline opportunities in ‘07. Then add in the fact that Jax was the best receiving RB in football last season, and you can see why I project him to be the better fantasy back. The only x-factor in this debate is if L.J. doesn’t receive an extension and is playing for a contract. He runs with Jigga, so you know he wants to get that big payday. After all, L.J. doesn’t want to be the poorest least wealthy member of the Roc-A-Fella family.

So when you’re facing picking either picking Alexander or Frank Gore, don’t automatically assume that the former is the better selection.

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Before I get started, I want to take a second to welcome all of the visitors who have wandered over here from our other sites. Welcome to Pacman Jonesin’! Register and make sure to come back as I update often. Most of all — enjoy!

• The NBA Draft is today, and Glen “Big Baby” Davis is projected to be a first-round pick. He even has his own blog. Does anyone else think that a 6-foot-9 guy that once weighed 360 pounds might have picked the wrong sport? I’m thinking NFL offensive tackle all the way. Maybe he’ll think so to if his hoops career ends up like Robert “Tractor”Traylor’s.
• Lincoln Kennedy is playing in the Arena Football League. I’m not joking. I wish I was. I guess he’s just got love for the game washed up.
• Trent Green is cool with Jason Taylor. Trent’s wife? Not so much. Apparently, she wasn’t very happy with J.T.’s “scrambled eggs” comment. I don’t see the big deal. When you get hit like this, doesn’t it scramble your brain a bit?
• Two-sport bust Drew Henson is trying to stick with the Minnesota Vikings. Really, it’s not a bad idea. If you are a QB that’s struggled in the NFL, shouldn’t you sign with the team with the shakiest QB platoon in the league?
• Green Bay Railbird Central suggests that the Packers might trade for Iggles stud TE L.J. Smith before the season starts.
• Tony G is committed. He just doesn’t like the “M” word. I don’t blame him. My favorite thing about this bit of news is that T-Rich is overseeing the ceremony.
• “Will Leitch doesn’t love me!” About time somebody called out the blogosphere over its obsession with Deadspin. Great blog, but getting linked over there is like a personal-salvation project for some bloggers.
• Adam Schein is so right — T.J. Houshmandzadeh. In fact, other than that two or three game tear that Ocho Cinco went on, Housh was the Bengals best WR last season.
• The Dallas Cowboys won’t touch my boy Tank Johnson. Don’t worry, Tank, somebody will.

Found this over on Kissing Suzy Kolber. It was submitted by Chicago Bears fan Muffmaster C, whoever the hell that is…

We polish off a few more rounds and we hear people saying something about Al Harris. Simultaneously we all realized that Douchey McRaggae was none other than the aforementioned Packers cornerback. Relatively shitfaced, we wrap at the bar and take one last parting shot as we walk out the door, “Harris, you get beat more than a red-headed step child.”

And as we walk by the floor-to-ceiling window in front of the bar we hear a knocking sound and see Al Harris drop his pants, slap his dong on the glass and flip us off while nodding like a bobble-head. Bewildered and thinking we’re about to get our asses kick by a professional athlete we all ran like girls made a clean get away without a confrontation.”

Wow, I got into a few verbal altercations shit-talking sessions with San Diego Chargers fans (all 14 of them) when I lived in Cali, but Shawne Merriman never tried to stick me in the neck with his syringe.

I wonder if Roger Goodell can suspend players for publicly exposing their trouser snakes? What in the hell is wrong with Al Harris? I used to think it was just a few guys (like The Namesake), but now I think, oh, about 88% of the NFL is out of control.