• Jason Witten’s mom isn’t quite Chris Benoit nutty, but she’s pretty fucked up.
• Early in the week I unveiled my new “If Everyday People were Pro Athletes” feature, and now Deuce of Davenport has to one up me with “Drinks That Should Be Named After Athletes.” Didn’t I just link you? Anyway, here are a few of my own…

Dark Side of the Force = “A George Steinbrenner”

Directions: Bailey’s, Kahula and chocolate milk. That’s how those puss Yanks fans like it.

Painkiller = “A Brett Favre”

Directions: A frothing a mixture of dark rum, orange juice, pineapple juice, sweetened coconut cream, shaved ice and topping with nutmeg.” C’mon, nobody’s untouchable on this blog

The Village Idiot = “A Skip Bayless”

Directions: In a pint glass filled with ice, mix one-and-a-half ounces Blue Curacao, one ounce Amaretto, one ounce vodka and one ounce tequila. Fill to top with lemonade and add a dash of Coke. If you like Bayless, then you’re ejected from this blog.

Three Wise Men = “A Pacman-Tank-Henry”

Directions: Equal parts Jack, Jim and Johnnie. You knew this was coming.

(Recipe props - BBC, Neighborhoods and Wikipedia)

• The fellas over at Nyjer Please are pleading for Amanda Beard over Cut That Meat/Laser Rocket Arm in ESPN’s gay new contest. Just look at the pictures — they’ve got a point.
• Speaking of Tank Johnson, could he be a Buc after his eight-game suspension? Now that he fought the law and the law lost (well, the second time), it’s time for dude to find a team.
• For all you Philly sports fans, The 700 Level is giving away two free tickets to the July 14th Phillies game, which is also where the next Deadspin Pants Party will be held. Congrats on the 1,000,000 hit, by the way.
• I always knew Matt Leinart was a slimeball. Not that I’m saying that’s bad.
• “Woody’s woody in a pickle.” Another masterful Woody Paige post (can you even use “masterful” and “Woody Paige” in the same sentence?) brought to you by Old No. 7.
• And, yes, even I’m going to fall victim to the obligatory The Snorg Girl Interview link.

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