I can’t believe this shit. The NFL has now banned customers from putting either “Dog” or “Ookie” on all of its customizable jerseys (they did this a while back with the word “Mexico,” I’m not sure why). Check it out:

Some time between yesterday and today, the NFL banned the word “Ookie” and the word “Dog” from the back of jerseys in light of Michael Vick’s indictment related to dogfighting. Yesterday, I was able to get those words, as well as many others, through the first step of personalization on NFLShop.com. Today, the site rejects anyone who hopes the league will put Vick’s nickname “Ookie” on the back of his number 7 jersey or any other team jersey for that matter.

When words that include “Ookie” or “Dog” are typed into the personalization database, a note pops up that says “Your current entry cannot be processed. Language deemed inappropriate, derogatory or profane will not be accepted. Please create a new entry.”

Wow. I’m glad that I got over there and did my Ookie image yesterday. Just for that, I’m ordering a shitload of inappropriate jerseys, including:

I’m a Missourian, so it’s been a long time since I first heard of Laurence Maroney. It was before the dreads. It was before the Koolaid moniker stuck. It was definitely before I ever heard of “construda.”

Back in the day, Maroney was an All-American running back out of St. Louis. My dad, a Mizzou booster, and his cronies had big-time hard-ons for him. We’re talking Ron Jeremy OD’ing on Viagra here. Maroney visited Missouri and had the school on his short list, but much to my pop’s chagrin he ultimately chose to attend the University of Minnesota instead.

While Maroney played for the Golden Gophers, I watched him quite a bit. Honestly, I loved kid’s game. He reminded me of Steven Jackson. In fact, he reminds me even more of Action Jackson now. So much so that I might even “reach” and pick him seventh overall in my fantasy football league’s draft next month.

Maroney plays almost just like Jackson. Hell, he even looks like him. I picked — well, some said I reached back then — Jackson fifth overall last year. My man Action damn near won me a title, as I lost to the eventual champ and outscored every other team every other week of the playoffs. Naturually, I’m back looking for the next S-Jax.

For those of you worrrying about Maroney’s shoulder — stop it. He had surgery in March and will be more than ready to rumble here when training camps kick off soon. Really, that should be your only worry, too.

Maroney ripped off 939 yards and seven TDs last year, despite that nagging shoulder injury and serving as Corey Dillon’s caddy. Dillon’s no longer a Patriot, so you’ve seen the last of Koolaid the Caddy — he’s the undisputed running back in New England now. Maroney also had to deal with returning kicks last season, a duty Wes Welker will handle for him in ‘07.

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• Just as Tom Brady is about to get it poppin’ again on the football field, his ex Bridget Moynahan is ready to pop. She’s due on Friday, which is, ironically, the same day as Brady’s new flings birthday. Now, Gisele is smokin’, but for my money Bridget is just as sexy. - TMZ.com
• The Namesake turned away from a club? What’s next — Andy Dick picking a sexual orientation? - Epic Carnival
• Since we’re talking Pacman, here’s a quote that fully illustrates why we get warm fuzzies every time we hear his name:

“I’m gonna (expletive) kill ya. … Matter of fact, all you’s are gonna get it.”

That’s a gem, isn’t it? - Nevada Appeal (via Ben Maller )

• Just how bad of a nickname is Ookie? Yeah, it’s worse than any of the nicknames people had when you were growing up. - The Commission
• Speaking of Ookie, in the past 48 hours Michael Vick’s basically become a fantasy football leper. Maybe that’s all the more reason to pick him, especially late. - The NFL Minute
• Now what will the Falcons do with Ookie? The Red and Black have options. - The Falcoholic
• And now Ookie has inspired 14-year-old-boys to start abusing hippos? This is getting re-fuckin’-diculous. - Doberman On The Diamond
• Does Cato June play the run like a girl pussy? The Kingster thinks so. Don’t worry, Cato, this is the same guy that thinks the Detroit Lions are the 13th best squad in the NFL. - Buc Stats
• Chris Chambers has hired the Tarheel state’s best DUI/DWI attorney. Maybe he’ll go all Cochran on us:

“If the breathalyser he passed, then free his ass!”

Amen. - Miami Herald