First off, I can’t believe that Hairspray is receiving glowing reviews.The musical currently has a 94% fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Out of 100 reviews, freakin’ 94 were favorable. That’s unbelievable for any movie, but it’s unthinkable for a musical. Chicago won Best Picture and only had an 87% fresh rating.

That being said, Hairspray looks terrible. I have absolutely no interest in wasting two hours of my life on that movie.

What I do have interest in is making fun of John Travolta. Screw it, while I’m at it I’ll make fun of another Jon — Jon Runyan. Travolta is one of my least favorite actors, and Runyan is one of my least favorite NFL players. My hate and their names are the connection. Well, they’re also both fat and vastly overrated.

Yes, Travolta has some hits in his filmography. Face/Off, Get Shorty, Pulp Fiction, Saturday Night Fever and The Thin Red Line are all great flicks. Still, he has way more flops on his resume than hits. Why in God’s name did he do Battlefield Earth? Look Who’s Talking? Michael? The Punisher? Wild Hogs? Dude just likes hamming it up being real gay and getting paid in the process. Battlefield Earth was so bad that it netted Travolta a Worst Actor Razzie for his role, and the film also received the dubious distinction of being named the Razzie’s Worst Picture of All Time. Now, not too long after Wild Hogs dropped, he’s wearing a dress and a fatsuit? Unless you’re one of The Hogettes, that shit’s just not cool.

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