I thought last week’s list of the top ten best fan bases would piss some people off, and I guess it did to some extent. This list, however, is guaranteed to piss off fans. My advice: Instead of getting mad, just become better fans.

The Top Ten Worst NFL Fan Bases (in alphabetical order):

• Arizona Cardinals - The Cardinals were ranked third worst among NFL teams in a recent fan loyalty study. Additionally, over the last decade the Cardinals average attendance is roughly 10,000 fans lower than any other NFL team’s. That’s pathetic. Don’t give me the losing excuse either. As a Chiefs fan, I’ve seen that a great home crowd can help a team significantly, not just vice versa. Also, the Cleveland Browns and Detroit Lions have had similar losing percentages over the past decade, yet have had much, much better attendance figures. Cards fans were bad in St. Louis, and they’ve been even worse since the move to the desert. This isn’t even debatable. Cards fans will prove me right this year when they figure out that their team once again isn’t the trendy sleeper it was pegged to be. When that happens, I suggest rolling to the games like Texans fans (who at least pack the stands).
• Atlanta Falcons - Falcons fans belong on this list every bit as much as Cards fans do. In fact, the Falcons were actually ranked second worst in the NFL fan loyalty study I linked above. Considering the size of the Atlanta market, that’s just embarrassing. The city has bad fans, and what’s going on with the Atlanta Hawks backs up that claim. When Michael Vick has to sit out all year long, the Georgia Dome is going to be empty. Falcons fans don’t pack the seats for Ookie (is this pic right before an electrocution, or a hanging?), so I definitely don’t see them doing so for Joey Harrington.

• Cincinnati Bengals - “Who dey?” should be Bengals fans’ nickname, not the mascot’s. Or maybe “where dey” is a more apt description. It came down to Bengals fans and Seahawks fans for the last spot on this dubious list. I decided to go with the Bengals, and the statistics support me. Over the past decade, the ‘Hawks have had better attendance numbers. Sorry Ocho Cinco, but your fans stinko. I do agree with this, though.

• Jacksonville Jaguars - When your team is mentioned as a candidate for relocation more often than any other team, yeah, you belong on this list. Despite great weather and a team that wins more often than not, Jag fans just don’t show. Just look at this quote that the good people over at Big Cat Country dug up from the L.A. Times:

“They have to cover 9,700 seats a game just to avoid blackouts,” he said. “There’s no prospect of growth in Jacksonville that’s going to change that…. Having a team in Jacksonville and no team in L.A. is a joke.”

I agree. Small market, schmall market — the Chiefs have a similar market and have the second best attendance in the league. I think this team is destined to become the Los Angeles Schwarzeneggers. “Jacksonville, consida dis da da-vorce.”

• New Orleans Saints - I’m not going to lie — I hated doing this. In the end, I had to add the Saints to this list. Saints fans will point out the past few years, but let’s face it — a good team paired with a disaster rallied what had been a lethargic group of Ain’ts fans. I couldn’t rationalize putting Panthers, Vikes or Seahawks fans on this list instead. I’m not saying this group can’t become a great fan base, I’m just saying that NOLA fans were AWOL before Drew Brees, Katrina and Reggie Bush hit The Big Easy.

• Oakland Raiders - I will undoubtedly get a lot of heat for this selection, but it is definitely warranted. The Raiders finished dead last in Bizjournal’s fan loyalty poll, and the team’s average attendance is pathetic (low 50,000s). Again, I don’t want to hear the losing excuse here, as this team went to the Super Bowl less than five years ago. Raidahs fans have no clue what some fans would do to have their favorite squad make the Big Game. They may dress up like Vader, but the numbers show that the fans of the Silver and Black are more like Leia.
• San Diego Chargers - After going to see a nationally televised Sunday night game at Qualcomm last year — against a hated division rival of the Chargers, nonetheless — I’ve come to the conclusion that Bolt fans might just be the worst in the league sports. Their team had the best record in the league last year, and the fans acted like they were at a wine tasting up in Napa or something. You just get the sense with the folks out there that they’d rather be doing this, or maybe even eating one of these . Don’t ever waste your money going to Qualcomm. I think the crowd at your local library is rowdier.
• St. Louis Rams - Read what I said about the Bolts, but where it says me insert my brother. Lambs fans are indifferent about their squad, and act like they’d much rather be sitting at a Redbirds game. I’d be willing to bet anything that a half-full Arrowhead is louder than a filled-to-capacity Edward Jones Dome. What a disgrace to my beloved Show-Me State.

• Tampa Bay Buccaneers -Bucs fans saw their team win a Super Bowl during the past five years, yet are still pretty worthless. I guess Tampa Bay residents are pretty reserved when it comes to football, as even a pirate ship with cannons a-blazing isn’t enough to get them aroused for some pigskin. They’ve had some great attendance years when the team has played well, but overall only the Titans have had more box office inconsistency during the last decade.
• Tennessee Titans - The Titans have a pretty decent market and usually boast a team that wins, so there’s no excuse for having the worst attendance-fluctuation rate in the NFL. When it comes to attendance, The Namesake’s squad (former?) simply does not “make it rain.” Even a good American History X reenactment isn’t enough to pack in Music City fans.

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