Bob Barker’s from my hometown of Springfield, MO, so I’m sad that he’s finally decided to retire from The Price is Right/sexually harassing women. I’m even more upset that Drew Carey is replacing him . He’s from Cleveland, people! He’s sure to eff up the hardest thing to eff up on TV. My choice? Drumroll, please..

If you don’t know who Paul Mooney is, it’s time to get your learn on.

• N-word pioneer
• Race expert

• Co-wrote much of Richard Pryor’s stand-up, and was the head writer for The Richard Pryor Show.
• Wrote for Sanford and Son.
• Wrote for Saturday Night Live
• Head writer for In Living Color during its first year.
• The face and mastermind behind Chapelle’s Show features “Ask A Black Dude”, “Mooney On Movies” and “Negrodamus”.
• Has two DVDs — Analyzing White America and Know Your History: Jesus Is Black and So Was Cleopatra.
• Has two CDs — R.A.C.E. and Master Piece
• Hosted BET’s 25 Most @#%! Moments in Black History

Quotable:

• “Because Wayne Brady makes Bryant Gumbel look like Malcolm X.”
• “I am no longer going to use the N-word. Instead of saying ‘What’s up my n*gga’ say ‘What’s up my Michael Richards’!”
• (On why President Bush was convinced there were WOMD in Iraq) “Because he has the receipt.”

Imagine the possibilities. “Come down — you’re the next cracka on The Price Is Right.” Or maybe even, “4.67? Shit. I’d pay maybe $2.25.” I think it’s about time that CBS adds some racial diversity to the longest running gameshow on TV. Don’t you?

Need a little more convincing? Fine…

Somebody get Leslie Moonves over at The Eye on the phone! Screw it — Al Sharpton, too. We’ll make it a three-way call.