I’m almost ashamed for using this low-brow comedy as the basis of this week’s Friday Flicks post, but Balls of Fury is the biggest release of the week. What’s a brother to do?

As for the film, don’t go see it. Please! Just because Christopher Walken stars in it, that doesn’t mean anything. That guy is a role whore. His acting addiction rivals Courtney Love’s drug habit — he’ll take any part in any film to stay working. If you need more convincing, Rotten Tomatoes has the film rated as a 27% on its “Critics Tomatometer”. For all of you R.T. rooks, that’s somewhere in between The Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer and Daddy Day Camp. Not good.

Enough about the film already — let’s get to it.

Which current NFL starting quarterback has the strongest arm out there?

This wasn’t an easy one, so, even though I had pretty strong opinions of my own already, I surfed the Web and looked for answers.

There seemed to be a consensus on which former NFL gunslingers had the strongest weapons: Bert Jones, Doug Williams, Drew Bledsoe, Jeff George, John Elway, Randall Cunningham, Terry Bradshaw, Vinnie Testerverde, etc.

There were even quite a few back-ups and out-of-the-league QBs who I saw mentioned repeatedly, i.e. former New England Patriots hailmary specialist Michael Bishop.

Things weren’t as cut and dry with today’s rocket-armed quarterbacks, though. Especially now that Michael Vick is about to start slinging the pigskin for the Virginia Penal League. Here’s my top five:

• The Top Five Strongest Arms in the NFL

• JaMarcus Russell -The only thing I haven’t heard about Russell’s throwing power is that he can hit the moon with his non-throwing arm. He’s a genetic freak of a quarterback. And, yes, he is for all intents and purposes the Oakland Raiders starting QB. Daush McCulpepper is just a temporary quick fix, and maybe even a negotiating ploy by Al Davis to lowball J-Russ contract wise.

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It’s official! Kurt Angle and his new tag team partner Sting will defend the TNA tag team straps against Team Pacman — Pacman Jones and Ron “The Truth Killings — at the September 9 No Surrender PPV! Here’s a clip from tonight’s iMPACT! show…

I have no idea how Pacman can wrestle in a match of this magnitude with his court-ordered no-contact stipulation, but TNA has done an outstanding job of getting creative with The Namesake so far. The other big news is that Pacman will be back fo’ mo’ after the PPV! The new trailer for the October 14 Bound For Glory PPV features both Pac and his entrance music. Can’t we get that stupid fucking stipulation lifted? Please? Let the man wrestle! Damn, I can’t stand Roger Goodell and the Tennessee Titans right about now. The trailer:

(listening pleasure: The Wand - The Flaming Lips)

• Did Dallas Cowboys QB Tony Romo and country star Carrie Underwood secretly get married. That’s the rumor. Fanhouse via Ben Maller

• Punter Scott Player, aka The Unibar, has been released by the Arizona Cardinals. He was the team’s longest tenured player. - Raising Zona

• There’s a great new NFL game called “17 Weeks” over at BallHype for those of you BallHype users. - BallHype

• Some jackoff MySpace perv is cyberstalking Adam Archuleta’s girlfriend and former Playboy playmate Jennifer Walcott. Seeing her jugs, I almost couldn’t blame him until I read about threats of physical violence. What a loser. - Deuce of Davenport via SportsByBrooks

• If you haven’t heard about AFL star turned Kansas City Chiefs WR Bobby Sippio yet, you might want to remember the name. - Arrowhead Addict

• Previewing those Purple People Eaters Pleasers Disappointers the Minnesota Vikings. - Epic Carnival

• The NFL has snazzied up its shield logo. The sleeker new look will debut next season (2008). - The Biz of Football

• Kevin Jones will start the season on the PUP list and will miss the Detroit Lions’ first five games. What a disappointment. He really does have trouble keeping up with the other Joneses (Julius, Thomas, maybe even Greg at this point). - NFL Gridiron Gab

• Is Chris Simms about to join his daddy out of football? It certainly appears so. Well, at the very least he’s about to become a former Buc. - BucStats.com

• Michael Strahan is all but saying he wants to be like Tiki Barber. Tiki’s a nice enough guy — why not? - Giants 101

OK, so I’ve had a thing for Bridget Moynahan for some time. I like tall girls, I like brunettes, I like actresses (broads are usually crazy, and, I’m not gonna lie, I kinda dig that). Bridget is 5-foot-9, definitely brunette and close enough to being an actress (I didn’t say they had to be Faye Dunaway). Then she ruined it all by getting knocked up by Tom Brady. Well, now that Mr. Brady is kickin’ with Gisele, Miss Moynahan is back on the market. Pretty soon she’ll be smoking hot again following the birth of her son, and I have to give her mad props for giving Tom and her son the initials J.E.T. (Jonathan Edward Thomas… Moynahan!). That’s the way to stick it to your ex-Patriot!

Anyway, all I’m saying is that i’m back aboard the Bridget bus — she can choke me with that chain any day.

(daps: Phin Phanatic)

(listening pleasure: Move On Up - Curtis Mayfield)

• Hey, Peter King, is Larry Johnson really only the 34th best player in the NFL? If Antoine Winfield and Kerry Rhodes are really better than L.J., I’ll pg out on my own feces. Great real, Kingster. - Peter King/SI.com

• Previewing Mike Nolan’s wacky San Francisco 49ers. - Epic Carnival

• Matt Schaub is “The Bizarro David Carr.” Meaning that he’s not a shitty teammate. - Battle Red Blog

• Our favorite Dolphin’s blogger reveals that Bridget Moynahan named her son with Tom Brady so that his initials are J.E.T. - Phin Phanatic

• Ron Artest is crazy. Not only does he not feed his own dogs, but now he’s standing up for Michael Vick? This guy is a bad P.R. lightening rod. And where was the love when Pacman Jones needed you, bro? - Sactown Royalty

• Meet “The Turk” (no, not McBride), the NFL’s version of The Grim Reaper. It’s about that time of year, peeps. Cut time. - Ramblin’ Fan

• Elizabeth Merrill, formerly of the K.C. Star, has a brand spankin’ new article out about NFL playbooks. Let’s just say that NFL coaches aren’t fans of brevity. - Elizabeth Merrill/ESPN

• If recent edition Corey Simon can stop eating, and Albert Haynesworth can stop going all Marcus Vick on people, then the Tennessee Titans will have a pretty damn good defensive tackle duo. - Music City Miracles

• It was announced today that the Minnesota Vikings backed out of the team’s deal to buy land for a new stadium. Los Angeles Vikings? Boy, that suggestion will piss a few people off. Oh, well. - The Star Tribune

19:23:07 - I’m checking in a little bit earlier, just to make sure I have both the ESPN draft application and Wordpress running smoothly beforehand. Anyway, welcome. This live blog of my fantasy football draft should be exciting, at least for me. I can’t remember a time when I was looking at three or four different players (Alexander, Addai, Maroney and Parker) in the first round. Usually I know who I am picking, or pick one of two guys. Sit tight, we’ll be underway shortly.

19:52:23 - Well, it’s already a shit talking free-for-all. My dad and I are talking some major smack — hell, everybody is. Mikey, the clown of the league, can’t even get into the draft, and might delay this thing. Good! More blogging and research time for me.

19:55:24 - My best friend Brad just asked my boy Chad if his two-year-old daughter can fuck yet. Not joking. The “Dirty” in The Dirty Dozen is definitely warranted here, folks.

19:56:52 - Mikey typically has monkeys draft for him. We’re thinking that the chimps no showed this year, and that’s why he can’t get logged in.

20:05:49 - My old man just responded to a Metamucil joke with an Acyclovir one. What in the hell is going on? The draft is still paused, and the chimps are still AWOL. Hang tight.

20:19:08 - Here we go!!

20:20:17 - L.T., Action Jackson go 1-2.

20:21:26 - Mikey, who picks third, is fucking things up again. Man, alive… he’s no Stephen Hawking, I’ll tell you that. Paused again… Stay tuned…

20:23:42 - Mikey figured it out, picked L.J…

20:24:52 - “With the eighth pick I select Chad’s daughter.” - Brad… Frank Gore goes fourth after I heard Henry might… that was B.S to throw everybody off, even though he’s from Denver… Alexander, then Manning… I trusted my gut and went Laurence Maroney seventh over Addai and Parker… we’ll see if that works out…

20:28:17 - Reggie Bush goes eighth… followed by Addai, Parker and Westbrook.

20:29:45 - My brother goes real safe at 11-12 with Willis and Rudi… not bad, but not sexy… defending champ, though…

20:34:51 - ESPN’s draft froze. What a piece of shit the WWL is… we are done after this year… word to the wise — look elsewhere for your fantasy football needs!

20:40:23 - This sucks. Between Mikey and ESPN the draft has been paused for most of 40 minutes, giving the under-prepared and the chokers valuable time to catch up. Still paused…

20:43:51 - *MY THOUGHTS INTERLUDE* “Maroney… Maroney… Belichick… TD vultures… Steven Jackson lite… shoulder injury… shoulder injury… no more Corey Dillon… Heath Evans… Joseph Addai… what have I done!?!?”

20:50:36 - Back… Travis “Shawn Kemp Reincarnated” Henry and Steve Smith went 13 and 14 (yuck!)… then Brown and MJD before I went Cedric Benson 18th, could be a steal considering Da Bears schedule… it was either him or MJD, so I’m cool…

20:54:56 - Portis, Brees, Ocho Cinco and Brandon Jacobs follow Benson. Brees is the best pick there, to me…

20:57:11 - Then Thomas Jones gets added to Steven Jackson — nice… probably the worst owner in the league, too… well, second worst… Robert sucks bad… Edge… better beware of Marcell Shipp stealing the goalline carries in AZ, son… Tom Brady… wow… before Palmer? Reggie Wayne… OK…

21:00:53 - Palmer, Barber (ugh), T.O., Marvin and then me with Donovan McNabb (31), the guy who I coveted. Could end up being No. 1 statistically with that weak passing D schedule… Caddy (???) then Torry “Bad Wheel” Holt… some mistakes are definitely being made, and not by me… Gates and McAllister… leaving Bulger for my bro… and Peterson, aka Purple Jesus… then Lee Evans… Fitz… Housh… Roy… and then I stole my super sleeper Ahman Green late in the fourth (42)… MARK MY WORDS: Green will role in ‘07, baby!

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