If you aren’t lucky enough to draft Peyton Manning to be the star quarterback of your fantasy football team, which QB do you draft? Unfortunately, that’s a problem most of us fantasy owners annually have to face. Here’s how I rate the quarterbacks not nicknamed Cut That Meat who are good enough to play for your fantasy squad.

Not-Quite-Peyton Tier

1. Carson Palmer - Palmer is far enough removed from his knee injury that he should finally be back to full strength. He plays behind a stellar O-line, and alongside a running back and two wide receivers good enough to make the Pro Bowl. Peyton Lite is a safe pick in the later part of round two or early in round three.
2. Tom Brady - Lots of experts are picking Drew Brees here, but not me. Tom Brady is always a safe bet as a starter, and now has the best arsenal of receivers he’s ever had at his disposal. Potentially, he could post better final numbers than every QB except that goofy bastard with the laser rocket arm.
3. Marc Bulger - I’m skipping Brees again. Why? Bulger’s numbers over the past several years are better, and he is surrounded by better skill players. Here is another guy who could end up being the second best fantasy QB.

Just Brees and McNabb

1. Drew Brees - After the season he enjoyed last year, I can’t rank him any lower. Joe Horn is gone, but Deuce, Devery, Marques, Reggie and Robert will help Brees provide the offensive fireworks all season long.
2. Donovan McNabb - It’s ironic — No. 5 hasn’t exactly been healthy over the past same number of seasons. Regardless, he’s been a fantasy WoMD when available, so he’ll be hard to resist if he’s sitting there in round four. If he’s there in round five and you pass, then we all know why you perennially finish in last place.

Super Sleepers

1. Vince Young - This guy could be a better Michael Vick this year. Sure, I’m a little worried about the talent around him — not to mention the Madden curse — but his legs make up for a lot. He’ll score at least a half dozen rushing TDs.
2. Jon Kitna - If he doesn’t put up great numbers throwing to Calvin Johnson, Mike Furrey and Roy Williams with Mike Martz calling the plays, he should be taken out to the pasture and put out of his misery. I absolutely love this pick. ESPN has him ranked 101st overall. If he’s still there in the ninth or tenth round, take him without hesitation and laugh at the competition. He’s worth consideration as early as round seven, and could be 07’s Brees.
3. Matt Leinart - Anquan Boldin and Larry Fitzgerald. Enough said. Even a douchebag like Matty couldn’t fuck that up.
4. Philip Rivers - He doesn’t make mistakes and plays with two of the best offensive players in the league — Antonio Gates and LaDainian Tomlinson. Plus, his O-line is good and the Bolts defense is outstanding. He won’t ever be spectacular, but he’ll always be solid. A poor man’s Tom Brady.

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Is it just me, or is there no such thing as too much David Hasselhoff? Apparently, not only is Hoff big with Dirk and the boys in Germany, but he’s also a hit in The Land of the Rising Sun. Sorry, Ichiro, your time as Japan’s favorite son is up. No worries, though — playing second banana to Hoff is an honor.

(Hat tip: TMZ.com)

• I’m not sure that Coach Fish likes Vince Young throwing punches with his throwing hand, but he’s gotta love V.Y.’s fire. - Winning the Turnover Battle

• Indianapolis Colts owner Jim Irsay has purged the roster of the “bad mistake”. The rest of us know him as Corey “The Blob” Simon. - Indy Star

• Brian Urlacher got him some “Rock of Love” ass. OK, maybe he just grabbed a tit and sent her nasty text messages. - Mr. Irrelevant

• The Brady Slurper (works for two teams), Mangina Monologues and other fun new terms. How to make fun of AFC teams without using curse words. - Five Tool Tool

• Ocho Cinco has his own touchdown celebration contest. Seriously. Some of these videos actually frighten me. - Yahoo! Sports

• Jeremey Shockey has finally learned to keep his mouth shut and stay outta other people’s bidness. - Giants 101

• So it’s Brady Quinn that’s keeping Dwayne Bowe from signing. I also think JaMarcus Russell has a lot to do with it, since he and D-Bo have the same agent. - Fanhouse

• What’s going on at the Denver Broncos “Camp Bailey”? Go find out for yourselves. - House of Georges

• Should ‘Skins fans be worried about Chris Samuels’ knee injury? Yeah, maybe they should be. - Riggo’s Rag