If you aren’t lucky enough to draft Peyton Manning to be the star quarterback of your fantasy football team, which QB do you draft? Unfortunately, that’s a problem most of us fantasy owners annually have to face. Here’s how I rate the quarterbacks not nicknamed Cut That Meat who are good enough to play for your fantasy squad.

Not-Quite-Peyton Tier

1. Carson Palmer - Palmer is far enough removed from his knee injury that he should finally be back to full strength. He plays behind a stellar O-line, and alongside a running back and two wide receivers good enough to make the Pro Bowl. Peyton Lite is a safe pick in the later part of round two or early in round three.
2. Tom Brady - Lots of experts are picking Drew Brees here, but not me. Tom Brady is always a safe bet as a starter, and now has the best arsenal of receivers he’s ever had at his disposal. Potentially, he could post better final numbers than every QB except that goofy bastard with the laser rocket arm.
3. Marc Bulger - I’m skipping Brees again. Why? Bulger’s numbers over the past several years are better, and he is surrounded by better skill players. Here is another guy who could end up being the second best fantasy QB.

Just Brees and McNabb

1. Drew Brees - After the season he enjoyed last year, I can’t rank him any lower. Joe Horn is gone, but Deuce, Devery, Marques, Reggie and Robert will help Brees provide the offensive fireworks all season long.
2. Donovan McNabb - It’s ironic — No. 5 hasn’t exactly been healthy over the past same number of seasons. Regardless, he’s been a fantasy WoMD when available, so he’ll be hard to resist if he’s sitting there in round four. If he’s there in round five and you pass, then we all know why you perennially finish in last place.

Super Sleepers

1. Vince Young - This guy could be a better Michael Vick this year. Sure, I’m a little worried about the talent around him — not to mention the Madden curse — but his legs make up for a lot. He’ll score at least a half dozen rushing TDs.
2. Jon Kitna - If he doesn’t put up great numbers throwing to Calvin Johnson, Mike Furrey and Roy Williams with Mike Martz calling the plays, he should be taken out to the pasture and put out of his misery. I absolutely love this pick. ESPN has him ranked 101st overall. If he’s still there in the ninth or tenth round, take him without hesitation and laugh at the competition. He’s worth consideration as early as round seven, and could be 07’s Brees.
3. Matt Leinart - Anquan Boldin and Larry Fitzgerald. Enough said. Even a douchebag like Matty couldn’t fuck that up.
4. Philip Rivers - He doesn’t make mistakes and plays with two of the best offensive players in the league — Antonio Gates and LaDainian Tomlinson. Plus, his O-line is good and the Bolts defense is outstanding. He won’t ever be spectacular, but he’ll always be solid. A poor man’s Tom Brady.

“Solid Starters” Who Worry Me

1. Matt Hasselback - Darrell Jackson is gone. Shaun Alexander is aging. The rest of the NFC West has improved. He’s been very reliable in the past, but I would avoid him if possible this year.
2. Tony Romo - I want to see great numbers for more than five games before I hinge my fantasy hopes and dreams to the arm of the ex Mr. Underwood. The targets are there — more importantly, the pressure of playing for The Tuna is gone — but I’m just not sold.
3. Ben Roethlisbereger - Only because I trust him more than anybody else left. Should be due for a rebound, but isn’t an every-week starter.

Worth the Gamble

1. Jay Cutler - He and Javon Walker should be one of the better QB-WR combos in the league this year. The rest of his targets aren’t bad either, and Shanahan will put him in a position to succeed.
2. Jason Campbell - Big gun, talented targets and backs, Al Saunders ingenious passing schemes — what’s not to like? He hasn’t proven himself, but he played well enough last season to warrant being selected as a No. 2 QB.
3. Chad Pennington - Laveranues Coles, The Man-Genius and Thomas Jones should help ensure that the steady Pennington remains, well, steady.

Don’t Be “That Guy”

1. Eli Manning - I implore you to pass on the younger, more retarded-looking Manning brother. I can all but guarantee that shit is going to hit the fan for Eli in The Big Apple this season.
2. Brett Favre - I expect him to throw more picks than ever before this season. The Pack’s running game might be the worst in the league, and that will keep the passing game from being effective at all.
3. Jake Delhomme - The Panthers trust Delhomme so much that they brought in David Carr. Steve Smith makes him enticing, but please do yourself a huge favor and pass.
4. Trent Green - I’m trying to stop laughing long enough to write this. Seriously, you should be ashamed of yourself for even considering this option. Just how desperate are you?
5. Alex Smith - Vernon Davis will be the man this year, but Smith’s other targets are nothing to get excited over. Darrell Jackson is past his prime, and Ashley Lelie probably will never have one. Smith is simply not starting material at this point.

You Doggone Idiot

1. Michael Vick - You knew it was coming. Don’t waste a pick on Ookie/Ron Mexico. I really don’t think he’ll suit up at all during the ‘07 season. Besides, he hasn’t been that great when he has played.