The First Annual Pacman Jonesin’

All-Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake

Fantasy Sleepers Team

With “The Namesake” Pacman Jones making his pro wrestling debut tonight, I figured who better to name this team of fantasy football sleepers after then the master of the sleeperhold — Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake. I’m not going to lie, The Ultimate Warrior was my favorite wrestler back in the day. Beefcake, however, was my brother’s favorite wrestler, and was definitely in my top five along with Jake “The Snake” Roberts, Lex Lugar and Sting. I guess that The Road Warriors/Legion of Doom were pretty high up that list as well.

Anyway, here is the 2007 All-Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake Fantasy Sleepers Team:

QB Jon Kitna, Detroit Lions - Kitna probably won’t go before the seventh or eighth round in many fantasy drafts outside of Rock City, but that doesn’t mean he won’t end up in the top five in his position. Quite frankly, I’m scared of what the Calvin Johnson-Mike Furrey-Roy Williams trio is going to do to defenses. Additionally, Kevin Jones and Tatum Bell aren’t all that, and the Lions face the toughest cumulative rush defense in the NFL next season. Offensive coordinator Mike Martz might call more passing plays this year than ever before, and that bodes well for Kitna. He’s not going to put up the 50 TDs he promised, but he’ll definitely get half way there, maybe even further.

RB Fred Taylor, Jacksonville Jaguars - This might sound crazy considering the success Maurice Jones-Drew enjoyed last season and Taylor’s injury history, but Taylor could be in store for another fine season. He still had six TDs and around 1,400 yards last season despite battling both injuries and MJD for playing time last year. This year, the Jaguars face the easiest cumulative rush defense in the league. Jags head coach Jack Del Rio Shooter McGavin really likes to run the ball, and with his QBs you can’t blame him. Not only will Taylor run the ball, but I expect him to match last year’s numbers. Considering that most fantasy experts expect Taylor to go no earlier than round five, he could be fantasy gold. Just cross your fingers that he can stay healthy.

RB Jerious Norwood, Atlanta Falcons - This one’s simple. First off, Warrick Dunn is coming off surgery. Second, without Ookie around, Falcons head coach Bobby Petrino will want to run the ball often. Norwood has decent size, good hands and blazing speed. If Dunn isn’t healthy, then Norwood could end up being the steal of the draft. Drafting Norwood in rou five or six could win you a fantasy ’ship. To me, drafting Norwood is worth the risk, even if the move flops.

WR Vincent Jackson, San Diego Chargers - Six of his 27 catches took place in the end zone during the ‘06 season, his first real season getting any burn. The 6-foot-5, 241-pound wideout might have 10 TDs this season, now that Keenan McCardell is out of his way.. After all, somebody has to benefit from all the redzone attention L.T. and Antonio Gates receive. In ‘07, that player will be Jackson.

WR D.J. Hackett, Seattle Seahawks - With Darrell Jackson now chillin’ in the Bay Area, and Deion Branch moving to the slot, it’s Hackett’s time to shine. Bobby Engram used to be the WR that QB Matt Hasselbeck trusted the most. That changed last year, when Engram missed most of the season due to health reasons, and Hackett had the surest set of hands in the Pacific Northwest. He posted four TDs, 45 receptions and 610 yards last season. He won’t double those numbers in ‘07, but he could come reasonably close. Pick him around round nine or so, and then laugh your ass off when he outproduces Branch, who your dumbshit buddy picked four rounds earlier.

WR Kevin Walter, Houston Texans - If you are looking for this year’s Furrey, Walter might be it. He’s currently the Texans No. 2 receiver, and Texans head coach Gary Kubiak raves about him the same way Martz used to about Furrey. With his great hands — not to mention Andre Johnson, Ahman Green and Owen Daniels getting the bulk of the defensive attention — Walter easily could have a breakout season. Pick him up off waivers or with your last pick in the draft.

TE Visanth Shiancoe, Minnesota Vikings - Jim Kleinsasser isn’t much of a threat, and Jermaine Wiggins is Gandhi. Shiancoe has played well lately during training camp sessions, a trend I expect to continue given the high level of play he demonstrated while receiving limited snaps with the Giants. His contract — a five-year, $18.2 million deal — let’s you know he’s going to play. Tarvaris Jackson playing struggling to play QB lets you know that he’s going to be a security blanket that gets the ball early and often. If you want to wait and gamble on a couple of TEs real late, then make Shiancoe one of your guys.

The San Francisco 49ers Defense - They were good last year, but after adding Michael Lewis, Nate Clements, Patrick Willis and Tully Banta-Cain this unit should be much better. Not a top three defense, but definitely a unit you can feel comfortable starting most weeks. So don’t waste a pick on Chicago or Baltimore earlier in the draft, cool guy.

Fuck Kickers - Just take the best one available during the last three or four rounds and hope that he works out. Picking kickers is always a crapshoot.