(”Do you understand the words that are comin’ out of my mouth?”)

Nope. But quarterbacks definitely understand the snot bubbles coming out of their noses, even if they don’t understand the trash talk being emitted from the mouths of the dudes that just sacked them.

As a kid I had this Kansas City Chiefs “Rush Hour” poster featuring Derrick Thomas and Neil Smith. I’m not gonna lie — that shit was badass. In fact, it’s so badass that I preserved it and gave it to my brother as a gift. Actually, I might be able to get a pic of it here shortly, but I wasn’t deft enough to think if it beforehand.

Anyway, instead of boring you to death with nonsense about Rat Daddy/Hackner’s latest flop (25% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes, folks, that’s not Premonition bad, but it’s bad), I give you my list of the greatest pass rushers of all time. Oh yeah, don’t go see Rush Hour 3! Actually, I’m curious to see if this sequel can top Beverly Hills Cop III for most ridiculously unnecessary sequel of all time, so go see it and drop me a line afterwards letting me know just how putrid the flick was.

• Bob Lily
  

Mr. Cowboy was the Dallas Cowboys first ever draft pick, and the first player to be inducted into the franchise’s “Ring of Honor”. Lily also is a first-ballot HOFer and a member of the NFL’s All-Time Team. The Sporting News named him “the greatest defensive tackle in NFL history”, a claim which is difficult to dispute. Despite playing inside, he possessed uncanny pass-rushing skills for a big man. In fact, his nearly 30-yard sack of Phins QB Bob Griese is one of the most memorable plays in both NFL and Super Bowl history. Some call Lily the greatest D-lineman ever to play the game, so he definitely belongs among this elite company.

• Bruce Smith

No way the NFL’s all-time sack leader doesn’t make this list. Smith, for my money, is the greatest defensive end I ever saw play. The offensive coordinator when I played at Emporia State — Kevin Keefe, a former V-Tech O-lineman — once told all of us players that Bruce Smith ran the fastest shuttle drill of anybody on the entire Hokies team. Yes, that includes DBs, RBs and receivers. He was just a mountain of a man who was impossible to block. His ridiculous wingspan paired with his size, speed and strength allowed him to manhandle any blocker he faced. Damn, do I miss watching this dude play.

• Chris Doleman
  

Doleman damn near missed making this list, but I just couldn’t leave him off. I remember the great Mark May once saying that if there is one guy who should be in the Hall who isn’t, that it was Doleman. That’s enough of an endorsement for me. Not to mention that he’s fourth on the all-time sack list with 150 career sacks. Also, in 1989 Doleman led the NFL with 21 sacks. He belongs on this list.

• Deacon Jones
  

Jones — a first-ballot HOFer and member of the NFL’s All-Time Team — was a bad, bad man. To this day, he’s still considered by many as the greatest defensive end of all time. Sports Illustrated even went as far as to name him its “defensive end of the century.” He was simply unstoppable. Besides, how could I leave the guy who coined the term “sack” off of this list? I couldn’t, especially considering that he unofficially (sacks weren’t officially tracked until 1982) racked up 180.5 sacks during his career. This lean, mean, tough S.O.B. revolutionized his position and paved the way for the modern-day sackmasters.

• Derrick Thomas

Am I biased? Hell yes I’m biased. Still, nobody in the history of the game came around the corner and chased down QBs faster than D.T. He was especially potent late in games, as he would more often than not outlast offensive tackles and wreak havoc during the fourth quarter. His seven-sack performance against the Seahawks back in 1990 on Veteran’s Day was video game shit. He dedicated the game to his late father, a vet, and went on to put on the greatest performance I have ever seen from an NFL defender. It is downright criminal that he’s not in the NFL Hall of Fame. Some of the players on this list might have been better all-around players, but he was as good at pressuring QBs as any player ever. Additionally, he was the Chiefs best player during the 90s, and the Chiefs won more games during that decade than any other team. Vote him in already!

• Kevin Greene

This 2007 Hall of Fame semi-finalist (he’s going to get in, people) recorded more sacks than any other linebacker ever to play the game. I remember a game when I was 10, back in 1988, during which Greene sacked the one and only Joe Montana 4.5 times, leading his team to a playoff-clinching victory. From that game on, I was a fan of this animal. Any football fan who was worth a damn had to of loved the reckless abandon Greene played with. Canton or bust, baby.

• Lawrence Taylor

In my estimation, the original L.T. is the baddest mother fucker ever to play defense in the National Football League (Jim Brown gets the same honor on the other side of the ball). He was such a badass that he could stay up all night partying coke binging and whoring the night before games, and still go out there the next day and be the best player on the field. He was such a badass that coaches developed offensive strategies just to stop him. The H-back position, two tight end sets, blocking outside linebackers with guards and tackles — yeah, that all started because of L.T. The guy was simply unblockable. I can’t imagine being a QB and having to see him lined up on the other side, just knowing that he could do this to you at any time.

• Michael Strahan
  

Ol’ Gap Tooth definitely belongs on this list, and may or may not be the only active player listed, depending on whether he retires or not. Even though his single-season sack record is tainted due to Brett Favre just giving it to him, his overall numbers are incredible. His 132 career sacks tie him with L.T., and he’s on pace to pass several other players on this list if he decides to continue playing. Love him or hate him, Strahan’s a beast and one of the greatest pass rushers ever to put on pads.

• Reggie White

The Minister of Defense is second on the all-time sack list with 198 sacks, but he would be ranked first if the 23.5 sacks he racked up during his first two seasons in the USFL counted. He was named All-Pro in 13 of his 15 seasons, and was a first-ballot HOFer. White recorded more sacks for the Eagles than games played, and led the Packers to a Super Bowl Championship. The late, great White was a guaran-damn-tee to make this illustrious list, and maybe the best sack artist of all time.

• Richard Dent
  

Along with Mike Singletary, Dent was the heart and soul of the defense that led the 1985 Chicago Bears to a Super Bowl Championship. He was even the Super Bowl MVP that year. He was just downright scary during that playoff stretch, recording more than a handful of both forced fumbles and sacks during the ‘85 postseason. Overall, he’s sixth on the all-time sack list, but has yet to be enshrined in the Pro Football Hall of Fame. What’s going on in Canton? Dent being excluded from the HOF is a damn traveshamockery!