Anybody else catch The Comedy Central Roast of Flava Flav last night? Even though it wasn’t quite as funny as either Pam’s or Shatner’s, I still laughed my ass off.

I’m not gonna lie — I love celebrity roasts. To me, there is nothing better than a dozen comedians and stars (and I use that term very liberally here) sitting on a stage and bashing each other for two hours in front of a live audience, and ultimately a television audience as well. Additionally, I have to give it up for the people who are ballsy enough to get on that stage and subject themselves to a carpet bombing of insults. Then again, the payday is probably too big for most of these quasi-celebs to walk away from (Brigitte Nielsen, Greg Giraldo, Patton Oswalt, Sommore, etc…). As for the real stars, we all know that the Snoop Doggs of the world are money whores. I’m just glad they can get celebs to show up and participate in these roasts, regardless of the motivation. The result is always classic lines like these from last night:

• Jimmy Kimmel to Flava Flav: “Chris Benoit is a better father than Flava Flav.”

• Ice-T to Carrot Top: “Looks like halfway through your sex change your doctor just said ‘fuck it.’”

• Lisa Lampanelli on the Flavor of Love broads: “They look like the 3 AM shift at the Jacksonville Waffle House.”

• Greg Giraldo on Brigitte Nielson’s pussy: “It’s so big it swallowed Sly Stallone’s career.”

All in all it was pretty hilarious. Afterwards, my brother, my best friend and I were discussing who else we’d like to see get roasted. Some of the names: Britney Spears, Michael Jackson, Tom Cruise, etc. Then Michael Vick’s name came up, which gave me the idea for this post. Which current or past NFL players would I most like to see roasted?

P.J.’s NFL Celebrity Roast Wishlist

• O.J. Simpson - Easily number one on my list, this roast would likely be the most hilarious and wildly inappropriate one yet. Simply put — it would be killer (sorry). If he turned the opportunity down, remember, Ray Lewis also stabbed somebody.

• Michael Vick -Dogfighting, herpes and weed jokes — sign him up! I’m sure his decision making — on and off of the field, of course — would also be a reoccurring theme.

• Eli and/or Peyton Manning – Retard jokes never get old, especially when the butt of those jokes happens to be a millionaire NFL QB. The roasters would have a field day with either brother.

• Brady Quinn – Gay jokes never get old either. If Quinn did one of his famous holdouts and no-showed, then Jeff Garcia would work almost just as well.

• Lawrence Taylor – Every roast has to have its washed-up junkie. Andy Dick, Brigitte Nielsen, Courtney Love, Farrah Fawcett. L.T. fits right in. Plus, you know he needs the money. As Jamie Foxx once said about Whitney Houston, dude’s “done smoked his kneecaps off.”

• Michael Strahan – As Eddie Murphy proved in The Nutty Professor, jokes about jacked-up grills never grow tired. Plus, a nasty divorce and homosexual allegations would arm the roasters with some extra ammo.

• Frank Gifford – Jokes about infidelity always hit the spot, especially when they involve the mile-high club. The roasters could also go to town on how his wife is more famous than he is.

• Shawn Merriman – You know this country has some serious pent-up frustration when it comes to steroids and athletes, let’s call it Barry Bonds syndrome. The roasters could just unleash that agitation on this guy. Lights out!

• Kerry Collins – He’s racist and washed-up. It would almost be like roasting Michael Richards!

• Fred Smoot - Pervert jokes are also gold when it comes to roasts. Since you can’t get Paul Reubens (Pee Wee) or Jeffrey Jones (Principal Rooney), Smoot would be the next best thing.

• Brett Favre – The roasters could finally rid those old George Burns jokes of moth balls, and maybe even whip out a few Matthew Perry pain pill punchlines.

• Willis McGahee – Judging from Flav’s roast, bastardization is a huge hit at these things. Who better to fill that void than the best impregnate-and-skate player in the league.

• Pacman Jones – You knew it was coming, but I still had to nominate The Namesake. This roast would make Flav’s look like a bible study. Drugs, guns, strippers, stupidity, wrestling… all the pillars of American society.