19:23:07 - I’m checking in a little bit earlier, just to make sure I have both the ESPN draft application and Wordpress running smoothly beforehand. Anyway, welcome. This live blog of my fantasy football draft should be exciting, at least for me. I can’t remember a time when I was looking at three or four different players (Alexander, Addai, Maroney and Parker) in the first round. Usually I know who I am picking, or pick one of two guys. Sit tight, we’ll be underway shortly.

19:52:23 - Well, it’s already a shit talking free-for-all. My dad and I are talking some major smack — hell, everybody is. Mikey, the clown of the league, can’t even get into the draft, and might delay this thing. Good! More blogging and research time for me.

19:55:24 - My best friend Brad just asked my boy Chad if his two-year-old daughter can fuck yet. Not joking. The “Dirty” in The Dirty Dozen is definitely warranted here, folks.

19:56:52 - Mikey typically has monkeys draft for him. We’re thinking that the chimps no showed this year, and that’s why he can’t get logged in.

20:05:49 - My old man just responded to a Metamucil joke with an Acyclovir one. What in the hell is going on? The draft is still paused, and the chimps are still AWOL. Hang tight.

20:19:08 - Here we go!!

20:20:17 - L.T., Action Jackson go 1-2.

20:21:26 - Mikey, who picks third, is fucking things up again. Man, alive… he’s no Stephen Hawking, I’ll tell you that. Paused again… Stay tuned…

20:23:42 - Mikey figured it out, picked L.J…

20:24:52 - “With the eighth pick I select Chad’s daughter.” - Brad… Frank Gore goes fourth after I heard Henry might… that was B.S to throw everybody off, even though he’s from Denver… Alexander, then Manning… I trusted my gut and went Laurence Maroney seventh over Addai and Parker… we’ll see if that works out…

20:28:17 - Reggie Bush goes eighth… followed by Addai, Parker and Westbrook.

20:29:45 - My brother goes real safe at 11-12 with Willis and Rudi… not bad, but not sexy… defending champ, though…

20:34:51 - ESPN’s draft froze. What a piece of shit the WWL is… we are done after this year… word to the wise — look elsewhere for your fantasy football needs!

20:40:23 - This sucks. Between Mikey and ESPN the draft has been paused for most of 40 minutes, giving the under-prepared and the chokers valuable time to catch up. Still paused…

20:43:51 - *MY THOUGHTS INTERLUDE* “Maroney… Maroney… Belichick… TD vultures… Steven Jackson lite… shoulder injury… shoulder injury… no more Corey Dillon… Heath Evans… Joseph Addai… what have I done!?!?”

20:50:36 - Back… Travis “Shawn Kemp Reincarnated” Henry and Steve Smith went 13 and 14 (yuck!)… then Brown and MJD before I went Cedric Benson 18th, could be a steal considering Da Bears schedule… it was either him or MJD, so I’m cool…

20:54:56 - Portis, Brees, Ocho Cinco and Brandon Jacobs follow Benson. Brees is the best pick there, to me…

20:57:11 - Then Thomas Jones gets added to Steven Jackson — nice… probably the worst owner in the league, too… well, second worst… Robert sucks bad… Edge… better beware of Marcell Shipp stealing the goalline carries in AZ, son… Tom Brady… wow… before Palmer? Reggie Wayne… OK…

21:00:53 - Palmer, Barber (ugh), T.O., Marvin and then me with Donovan McNabb (31), the guy who I coveted. Could end up being No. 1 statistically with that weak passing D schedule… Caddy (???) then Torry “Bad Wheel” Holt… some mistakes are definitely being made, and not by me… Gates and McAllister… leaving Bulger for my bro… and Peterson, aka Purple Jesus… then Lee Evans… Fitz… Housh… Roy… and then I stole my super sleeper Ahman Green late in the fourth (42)… MARK MY WORDS: Green will role in ‘07, baby!

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(We were experiencing some server issues yesterday that we had to deal with due to a recent spike in network-wide traffic. We have figured everything out and The Monday Bangover will definitely be back next week.)

My fantasy football draft is merely hours away (don’t forget — I’ll be live blogging the event at 8 PM C/9 PM E), and even though I’ve done a ton of research I’m starting to panic.

I pick seventh this year, after riding Steven Jackson (who I picked fifth) into the playoffs last year despite Chad Johnson and Eli Manning disappearing for much of the season. I was fortunate smart enough to pick a sure thing last year, a rarity for owners who pick out of the top three or four picks. This year finding that sure thing will be a whole lot tougher.

Actually, I’m somewhat recently single, and picking outside of the top three this year in fantasy is quite a bit like getting out and dating again. There are a lot of good-looking options out there, but no guarantees.

It didn’t work out last time (either with Jackson or my ex), but I felt pretty secure about the relationship for most of its duration, and had at least a good run. That’s as much as you can ask for unless a LaDainian Tomlinson type falls in your lap.

Now, I’m all over the place.

There’s Laurence Maroney, the young hotty I liked at first. As the draft quickly approaches, I’m starting to wonder if he’s mature enough to handle the load. Get your mind out of the gutter — I’m taking about dependability here, people.

There’s Willie Parker, the sleek little thing who caught my attention out of nowhere with his fast moves this past weekend. I can’t get him out of my head, and maybe I shouldn’t. He’s not the most proven option, but he did prove an awful lot last year despite Pittsburgh’s quarterback woes.

There’ Joseph Addai, too. He’s the guy everyone is telling I should like. But I’m just not feelin’ him.

Then there’s Shaun Alexander. Part of me tells me that this proven vet won’t let me down. He might not be a sexy pick, but if that foot holds up he’ll be the equivalent of a down-ass chick. Those are hard to find. Real hard. But part of me is concerned with his baggage.

I guess there’s even Rudi Johnson and Peyton Manning. Johnson is pretty dependable, but he’s not exactly the kind of guy who goes out and wins you ’ships. He’d be more of a rebound, just something to get me through the year. As for Manning, I’ve never drafted a quarterback in the first round. That would be like dating a bisexual girl for the first time or something — too drastic of a move for right now.

Honestly, I don’t know what I’m going to do. Actually, yes, I do. I’m going to polish off some beers and let the chips fall where they may. It’s always worked before. That’s what I’ve always done in the past, and I’m still standing.

Make sure to check in tonight from about 8 PM C/9 PM E - 10 PM C/11 PM E to catch my live blog of The Dirty Dozen draft. It’s a great league, and the draft should give everyone an in-depth look at how their draft might end up shaking out.