ESPN and the blogs are really pushing the controversy over that never-happened touchdown at the end of the Steelers-Chargers game. In case you missed it and the video above doesn’t work for some reason: Troy Polamalu breaks up a series of last-ditch desperation laterals by the trailing Chargers with time expired and runs it in for a score, only to have the referees reverse the play, then admit they should never have reversed it. Keep in mind that this play had no bearing whatsoever on the outcome of the game - the touchdown, had it counted, would’ve been meaningless…except to degenerate gamblers and wanky fantasy football geeks. Oh, of course - those people are the ones who really matter to the NFL. How could I have forgotten? The average popcorn-chomping fan, with his silly sense of proportion, doesn’t mean diddly-poo.  Well excuse me.  I guess I’ll go over here and live my stupid life.

God, I wish I had nothing better to do than worry about this utterly irrelevant play from the tail-end of a game that was already decided.  I wish I could just ignore the Somali pirates hijacking everything on the high-seas, and the on-going economic crisis, and the fact that Twilight is coming out and I still don’t know what I’m going to wear to the first night.  Something must be wrong with me.  Why can’t I make myself give a damn about a non-touchdown that had no relevance to anything except a point spread, some fantasy football scores and a bunch of wacked-out conspiracy theorists who already thought every game was rigged anyway and certainly didn’t need encouragement?

And now Roger Goodell has gotten in on the act too.  He wants to tweak the replay procedure so refs can take a second look at plays like this one, and wants it to be done before this year’s playoffs.  Why do we even bother having refs on the field, I wonder?  Why not just have cameras everywhere and let Roger officiate every game from his command center?  If some player commits a terrible infraction, like barely nudging a quarterback a fiftieth of a second after he lets the ball go, Roger can not only throw a flag but zap the guy out of existence with his death-ray.  Take that Jared Allen!  And think how great this would be if Pacman ever comes back.  Roger can have a tiny camera with helicopter blades that follows Pacman around, making sure he’s not doing Pacman-type things.  This wouldn’t just be for the games either - it could follow Pacman home at night and out to the clubs.  Then Roger could sit there in the dark scoping out all the hotties Pacman is trying to make it with - just to make sure they’re acceptable.  A tongue-stud?  She might be trouble.  Pacman would know not to attack any bodyguards with Roger’s chopper-camera hovering there - especially if Roger had machine guns mounted on it.

See the kind of stuff Roger has to worry about?  He can’t seriously be concerned over a non-counting touchdown in a game that was already over.  And the people who’re peddling this non-controversy can’t seriously expect me to do a whole post about it.  Can they?

Andy Reid doesn’t want us thinking Donovan McNabb is an idiot just because Donovan didn’t know there were ties in the NFL - he’d be happier if we thought he was the idiot instead.  “I take responsibility for that,” Andy said when questioned about his quarterback’s ignorance of the fundamental rules of the league he’s been playing in for 10 years.  Nice try Andy, but no…a blanket “I take responsibility” statement just doesn’t cut it in this case.  Responsibility for what?  Not sitting your players down and explaining stuff every 10-year-old football fan knows?  No one expects you to do that - including you.  Which is why you never did it.  Under truth serum, you would admit that you were as flabbergasted as the rest of us.  You would confess that, for a minute, you seriously considered punching the dumb bastard in the face.  But, we understand the position you’re in - you have to defend him.  Sometimes people are called upon to stick up for those who don’t deserve it.  Even the Nuremberg defendants had lawyers.

And then you have the other side of the coin - people who are under no obligation to defend Donovan McNabb.  People who used to be in the league but aren’t anymore, and therefore believe themselves freed from the old unwritten rules and fraternal codes.  You know - assholes.  Like Tiki Barber.  “That’s an indefensible comment that he made,” Barber said of McNabb’s gaffe.  “He will live to regret it for a long time.”  Unless he dies tomorrow - in which he case he would not have lived to regret it for very long at all.  And speaking of regret…does Tiki feel any pangs of remorse about calling his on-air partner the c-word during Olympic coverage?  With Brian Williams standing right there?

I guarantee Tiki knew there were ties.  He’s smart.  He probably even knows most of the state capitals by heart.  Quick Tiki…Nebraska.  But what would happen if you tried quizzing McNabb about state capitals?  “What’s a state?”  Donovan might as well get used to stuff like this.