Goodbye Texas Stadium – And Goodbye Cowboys?
Everyone outside of Dallas knows Texas Stadium is a dump that deserved to be blown up years ago. The folks in the Metro area, however, have continued carrying a torch for the venue in spite of its ever-increasing dilapidation – for the same irrational, sentimental reasons a man may remain attached to a woman even if she’s an 80-pound meth-head with no teeth and a tendency to mumble random Bible quotes and bleed from the eye sockets. Even such crazed love affairs must end though, as Cowboys fans all realized when they turned out last night to bid farewell to their crumbling, maw-roofed junkpile. It was meant to be a celebration – unfortunately for Dallas, the fond send-off degenerated into something more closely resembling a wake, all thanks to the performance of the hometown team, which got its ass handed to it by the Baltimore Ravens and, as a result, saw its playoff hopes sink lower than Jock Ewing after his plane crashed into that lake in South America.
This whole crumbling under pressure thing is not new for the Cowboys – in fact, it’s become their modus operandi ever since Tony Romo took over the helm as starting quarterback. It started a couple years ago when Romo developed a sudden case of fumble-fingers while attempting to hold for a field goal that would’ve catapulted the Cowboys ahead in the playoffs. And it continued last season when, despite being NFC favorites in a lot of people’s eyes, Romo and his Cowboys were bounced in the second round by the eventual champion Giants. Of course it wouldn’t be fair to hang all of this on Tony Romo – you win as a team and you lose as a team, as T.O. knows. Still, it can’t be only a coincidence that the Cowboys became such chokers at the same time Romo was anointed the starting quarterback.
Romo was right in the thick of it again last night against the Ravens, throwing two interceptions on his way to a feeble 66.2 QB rating, the worst he’s had since a couple weeks ago against Pittsburgh when he literally threw the game away while attempting to – once again – force the ball into his favorite target and apparent gay lover Jason Witten. Romo might not have doomed himself and his team to such a fate had he heeded the advice of Terrell Owens and thrown the ball exclusively to Terrell Owens, regardless of game situation, coverage or what-have-you. Owens, the greatest athlete God ever created, caught only 5 balls last night for 63 yards and 1 touchdown. Again, Owens was prevented from attaining his true Olympian stature by his quarterback’s stubborn insistence on trying to find open receivers.
It’s too soon to say what sort of fall-out will result from Romo and the Cowboys’ latest exercise in peeing down their leg with the heat on. It’s possible that Jerry Jones will fire Wade Phillips this very afternoon (to Wade’s probable relief). It’s also possible that Terrell Owens will call a press conference to announce that Tony Romo is gayer than Jeff Garcia and more of a gagging-dog than Donovan McNabb, and that Jason Witten is a member of Al-Qaeda, and that he, T.O., really wants to play for the Dolphins next year because he always loved Bill Parcells, in spite of how it looked, and because he might get to play some quarterback himself in the Wildcat and show all these limp-dicked fools how it’s done. Whatever else happens, Texas Stadium has likely hosted its last Dallas Cowboys game. The site can now officially be declared the toxic waste dump it has been for so many years.
JUST THE HUMOR i NEEDED TO CHEER ME UP AFTER WATCHING THE COWBOYS DISMAL PERFORMANCE LAST NIGHT. tHANx!
December 21st, 2008 at 11:09 am