Archive for February, 2009

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27 Feb

Albert Haynesworth Will Stomp Heads in Washington

There was a time when Albert Haynesworth was in danger of going down in history as the guy who stomped on that other guy’s head.  But now Albert doesn’t have to worry about that.  He had one great year in Tennessee, and has successfully parlayed that isolated stretch of excellence into a 7-year, $100 million [...]

Posted in B.S. (General) by: danzinski
3 Comments

27 Feb

A-Rod Steps in it Again

The Yankees have been forced to ban Alex Rodriguez‘ infamous cousin Yuri Sucart from their facilities after A-Rod was caught being driven away from a spring training game by the former drug mule.   “Yuri won’t be around anymore,” a source told the New York Daily News. “They can’t stop him from hanging out with him [...]

Posted in General Dysfunction by: danzinski
1 Comment

26 Feb

A More Amazing Specimen: David Buehler, or the Giant Stingray?

USC kicker David Buehler can make 100 game-winning field goals in his career, and he will still be known as the kicker who owned Rey Maualuga in the bench press at the combine.  He can win the Super Bowl with a last-second boot and people will still remember him as the dude who got 225 [...]

Posted in B.S. (General), That's Just Gross by: danzinski
1 Comment

26 Feb

Is Marbury Already Destroying the Celtics’ Karma?

The Celtics haven’t had a chance to formally sign Stephon Marbury yet – he still needs to clear waivers – but even their (unacknowledged) intention to do so is apparently enough to piss off the gods.  Either that or Gabe Pruitt, the Boston reserve who was busted for DUI in Hollywood early this morning, is [...]

Posted in Criminal Behavior by: danzinski
1 Comment

25 Feb

Tiger Woods Returns at Accenture Match Play Championship. Is the Dow Up Too?

Rejoice all ye people of earth:  Tiger Woods is back as of this afternoon’s Accenture Match Play Championship from Dove Mountain in Arizona.  As you know (unless you are dead), Tiger had knee surgery and hadn’t played in a tournament since June 16 of 2008.  Gosh, remember June 2008?  Remember how good everything was (besides [...]

Posted in Actual Game Action by: danzinski
1 Comment

25 Feb

Mangini Has No Man-Crush on Quinn

Eric Mangini and George Kokinis adopted a quarterback headache when they took over the Browns.  They’ve had a few weeks to look over the situation now, and have so far come to agreement on one thing:  Brady Quinn sucks.  Okay, the word used by the ever-popular “sources within the organization” was “lukewarm,” but you know [...]

Posted in Vicious Rumors by: danzinski
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25 Feb

Fernando Tatis Suffers Debilitating (Probable) Reading-Related Injury

Reading in bed can be very dangerous…just ask Fernando Tatis, who was scratched from Monday’s Mets intrasquad game after waking up with a sore right palm.  Yeah, I bet it’s happened to you too.  You’re lying there reading some Tolstoy before hitting the sack, not realizing the intense strain you’re putting on your palm from [...]

Posted in Physical Issues by: danzinski
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25 Feb

When You Wish Upon a Starbury…

The New York Knicks have at last arrived at an agreement with Stephon Marbury that will allow the troublesome point guard to become a free agent.  ”Under [the agreement's] terms, the grievance has been resolved and the Knicks have requested waivers on Stephon,” the Knicks said in a statement.  “No additional terms will be disclosed.”  [...]

Posted in General Dysfunction by: danzinski
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