Archive for February, 2009

Someone might want to inform Zach Randolph that he was traded away by the Knicks and is therefore no longer required to behave like a thuggish buffoon.  You play for the Clippers now Zach.  It’s L.A. – much more laid-back.  No reason to be punching guys – even ones who allegedly attempted to kiss you.  Yes, Zach claims his victim Louis Amundson tried to kiss him.  “He hopped up and got in my face and almost kissed me in my mouth,” Randolph explained. “I just pushed him out of my face.”  Come on Zach…this is 2009.  Man-kisses are perfectly okay.  [...]

A playoff game between Montgomery, Alabama’s G.W. Carver High School and Valley High was interrupted when a giant fight broke out.  Thankfully there is video of the fight, so we may witness it and express a proper amount of outrage.  Um…er…those darn kids…punching and stuff…at the basketball game…what’s our society coming to? Joe Rogan would like everyone to know that, had those kids been stoned, they wouldn’t have wanted to fight.  And the popcorn vendors would’ve been sooooo rich.

Carrie Underwood is dating Mike Fisher of the Ottawa Senators.  The country star and former girlfriend of Tony Romo went to one of Mike’s games recently, but as the above video demonstrates, didn’t want that fact to become widely-known.  I’m going to assume Carrie’s sudden duck wasn’t the result of a rise in blood sugar or a stroke…so what the hell?  Is she that ashamed to be associated with hockey players?  It doesn’t seem to bother Elisha Cuthbert (who’s already done it with half the NHL and is currently working her way through the other half).  Maybe Carrie’s just worried [...]

Joe Rogan is a man on a mission…to organize a stoner boycott against Kellogg’s in the wake of their dismissal of Michael Phelps for getting caught sucking on that bong.  Crusader Rogan’s logic is staggering in its clarity and force:  Kellogg’s makes products like Eggo and Froot Loops; potheads enjoy nothing more than Eggo and/or Froot Loops after they’ve been ingesting the smoke of their favorite herb; therefore, Kellogg’s should be grateful to the pothead community and not be jamming up one of its most noted members.  Uh…yeah.  Great point Joe.  I’m sure Kellogg’s will now be falling all over [...]

It’s been another big day in steroids news.  First up, from Newsday:  Bud Selig wants everyone to know it wasn’t his and the owners’ fault steroids became such a big deal in baseball – it was that damned union.  Said Bud: Starting in 1995, I tried to institute a steroid policy. Needless to say, it was met with strong resistance. We were fought by the union every step of the way. Well what did you expect the union to do Bud?  They have a job:  Protect their players from getting busted for cheating.  So of course they were gonna fight [...]

AC Milan‘s plan to buy David Beckham away from the L.A. Galaxy has failed, so Beckham is resorting to plan B:  Whining his head off about how much he doesn’t want to return to Los Angeles in hopes the Galaxy will become fed up with him and tell him to – employing a proper British phrase here – bugger off. “I’ve said I want to stay here [in Italy], and if I do go back then it will be a bit difficult,” Beckham told reporters after a recent AC Milan loss. A bit difficult?  Living the high life in L.A. [...]

The last thing the Phoenix Suns needed was more negativity around them…but that’s exactly what they’re getting after guard Jason Richardson, acquired just two months ago from the Charlotte Bobcats, was nailed for driving 90 mph in a 35 mph zone with his 3-year-old son in the backseat unrestrained.  Let me repeat that:  Jason Richardson got nailed for driving 90 in a 35 with his 3-year-old son banging around loose in the backseat like one of Britney‘s spawn. Police charged Richardson with multiple offenses, including endangerment, but said he showed no signs of being under the influence of anything – [...]

Sarah Blewden wanted bigger boobs to help her modeling career, so she did what any self-respecting halfway attractive modern girl with unrealistic aspirations and a fragile self-image would do:  She got implants.  Then, Sarah’s life took an unexpected twist:  She discovered a talent for boxing, and decided to pursue a new dream – making the Olympics.  Unfortunately, those same implants that helped Sarah’s modeling career proved a hindrance in her new sport.  Officials informed Sarah that, if she kept getting punched in the boobs, the implants could become distorted and damage whatever real tissue was left.  Sarah was ready to [...]