Archive for February, 2009

Alex Rodriguez is still sorry he did steroids.  And now he’s also sorry that he said disparaging things about SI reporter Selena Roberts, one of the people who outed him as a cheater.  Here’s what A-Fraud said about Roberts in his Peter Gammons interview: What makes me upset is that Sports Illustrated pays this lady, Selena Roberts, to stalk me. This lady has been thrown out of my apartment in New York City. This lady has five days ago just been thrown out of the University of Miami (by) police for trespassing. And four days ago she tried to break [...]

Staying on top of the NFL arrest report is like trying to keep track of Katy Perry‘s bad outfits:  Eventually you just feel overwhelmed by the sheer volume of absurdity.  But, this is the life I chose, so I will have to soldier on…by making fun of Bills running back Marshawn Lynch who was arrested on gun charges in California last Wednesday.  Police say Lynch and two other men were sitting in a parked Mercedes (not sucking on milkshakes I’m guessing) when officers approached.  A subsequent investigation turned up a loaded firearm and Lynch, the owner of the vehicle, was [...]

Shaq must’ve absorbed some kind of mystical power from these Jabbawockeez people, cause he went out and won the co-MVP with Kobe.  So there you go kids:  The key to being good at basketball?  Dancing badly while wearing a creepy white mask.

Memo to all convenience store employees:  If Steelers kicker Jeff Reed is a frequent patron of your establishment, make double-sure you keep the paper towel dispensers in the men’s room filled.  Jeff can’t stand an empty paper towel dispenser, and if he comes across one, he isn’t shy about making his displeasure known.  Via the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review: Reed, 29, went in to the men’s restroom at Sheetz on U.S. Route 22 in New Alexandria borough shortly before 3 a.m. After discovering that the paper towel dispenser in the bathroom was empty, Reed started loudly banging from inside the bathroom, state [...]

Dwight Howard and Nate Robinson get the dunk contest.  It’s all about theatrics and goofery, and that’s what they brought last night in Phoenix with their Superman vs. Kryptonate routine.  Of course, the problem is that, next year, we’ll expect them to top themsleves.  I don’t know what they’ll do then.  Maybe Howard will land in a spaceship and Marlon Brando‘s giant head will appear.  And Howard will put on rocket boots and dunk on a 40-foot rim and Robinson will shoot himself out of a cannon.  Then the fire-eaters come out and the bearded lady and the Cirque du [...]

Nothing reveals the behind-the-scenes craziness of a person’s life quite like a divorce filing.  Such is certainly the case for Jayson Williams, whose wife Tanya is alleging all sorts of bizarre stuff in her filing against him, including a claim that Jayson threatened to kill her (that whole chauffeur episode convinced her he was probably serious).  Tanya also calls Williams out for faking stomach cancer, telling her he went “down on white girls,” and peeing in the kitchen sink (I didn’t know he was from Green Bay).  Perhaps most hilariously, Tanya claims Williams was constantly refilling his Cialis prescription even [...]

Being a real reporter with a real job with a real publication, Jimmy Traina sometimes gets to interview famous people.  For Valentine’s Day, Jimmy interviewed the famous Erin Andrews, sideline reporter, object of drooling internet creep fascination and occasional on-air molestation victim.  I personally think Erin’s overrated – great bod, bit of a butterface – but I know lots of people would like to get with her, therefore I offer a couple bits of the interview pertinent to that particular (woefully sad and unrealistic) aspiration.  Here’s what Erin said when asked about good Valentine’s gifts vs. bad ones: SI.com: If [...]

Bud Selig says major league baseball will not punish Alex Rodriguez for admitting he took steroids.  The commissioner will not, however, abstain from giving Alex a tongue-lashing for being a liar and a cheat.  Said Bud: On behalf of Major League Baseball, I am saddened by the revelations concerning Alex Rodriguez’s use of performance-enhancing substances.  While Alex deserves credit for publicly confronting the issue, there is no valid excuse for using such substances, and those who use them have shamed the game. What Alex did was wrong and he will have to live with the damage he has done to [...]