Team USA Needs Kelly Leak

Team USA is one loss away from being eliminated from the World Baseball Classic after an 11-1 drubbing at the hands of Puerto Rico.  The ass-whupping was so bad, my fellow embarrassed Americans, that the Slaughter Rule was invoked at the end of seven.  After the heart-crushing defeat, manager Davey Johnson consoled his weeping players by taking them for milkshakes.  But the Puerto Rico meanies were at the restaurant and they took Jimmy Rollins and stuffed him into a trash can, then Chipper Jones ran over and tried to fight them but one Puerto Rico kid just pushed him back by the forehead while he flailed at the kid’s chest.  Then Kelly Leak rode up on his dirtbike but Vic Morrow yelled at him and told him to get lost.  “2-4-6-8, who do we appreciate?  America.  America.  Heeeeey…America!”  Maybe Buttermaker could teach Jake Peavy his spitter.