Archive for March, 2009

CBS has just completed that hallowed annual ritual:  Announcing the 65-team field for the NCAA Tournament.  Now that other hallowed ritual may commence:  Everyone putting aside their utter ignorance of college basketball and filling out their brackets.  For a few days, people who haven’t watched a college game in a decade will be acting like Jay Bilas on meth.  “VCU‘s my sleeper.  I’m telling you.  Those guys are dangerous.  No, I don’t normally chew hunks of carpeting.  Hey, is that my tooth?” The #1 seeds for this year’s tournament are Louisville, Pittsburgh, North Carolina and UConn.  Yes, that’s 3 #1 [...]

You may have missed the news that Sean Avery, sometime Vogue magazine intern, was back in the NHL with the New York Rangers after serving a short exile for referring to ex-girlfriend Elisha Cuthbert as “sloppy seconds.”  Evidently, Mr. Avery would now like to be known as a hockey player instead of a mere jerk who makes it with a lot of starlets.  To this end, on Sunday he scored two power play goals and helped his new team to a 4-1 win over the Flyers.  And…nope, he’s still just a jerk with a big mouth.  Nice try though, Sean.

Team USA is one loss away from being eliminated from the World Baseball Classic after an 11-1 drubbing at the hands of Puerto Rico.  The ass-whupping was so bad, my fellow embarrassed Americans, that the Slaughter Rule was invoked at the end of seven.  After the heart-crushing defeat, manager Davey Johnson consoled his weeping players by taking them for milkshakes.  But the Puerto Rico meanies were at the restaurant and they took Jimmy Rollins and stuffed him into a trash can, then Chipper Jones ran over and tried to fight them but one Puerto Rico kid just pushed him back [...]

I’ve got good news and bad news for Lindsay Lohan.  The good news:  Contrary to most reports coming out of Hollywood, someone still wants you.  The bad news:  It’s the Beverly Hills Police Department.  Should you choose to accept the role they’re offering, just turn yourself in.  Rehearsal is scheduled for Monday at the court house.  And no…that picture was not taken by a photographer who traveled 10 years into the future.  It’s from last night.

Chris Bosh is the second greatest weatherman of all-time, after this guy:

Andrew “Test” Martin, a pro wrestler who once held the WWE championship belt, was found dead in his Tampa apartment Friday night.  Police say a neighbor saw Martin lying motionless through his window, then looked again later and saw he was still motionless, and decided it would be a good idea to call someone.  Too late.  Police say foul play is not suspected.  Martin was only 33 so I’m gonna go waaaaaaay out on a limb and guess drugs were involved.  Or maybe the good Lord just decided it was his time.  Nah, drugs.

There’s trouble in the paradise known as Marko Jaric’s life as an NBA baller married to a supermodel:  According to SI, Jaric is currently under investigation for allegedly sexually assaulting a woman while on a trip to Philadelphia with his team the Memphis Grizzlies.  Jaric’s people have been quick to refute the accusation, saying: These accusations are 100% false and untrue. All high profile couples fall victim to these sort of things through the course of their relationship. Marko and Adriana are very much in love and happily married. The couple knows that there is absolutely no merit whatsoever to [...]

Thom Yorke is cool for many reasons.  Mainly because he is in Radiohead, the greatest band of the last 25 years (sorry Arcade Fire – but we love you too, okay?).  Also, he must be cool, because no one can understand what he’s saying in his songs.  Plus he gets lots of ass in spite of having the most messed-up eyes since the wrestler Zeus.  And now, Thom has achieved an even higher level of coolness by standing up to the most evil individual currently plaguing the earth, Miley Cyrus. Thom Yorke and Miley Cyrus are two people who never [...]