Archive for April, 2009

Michael Vick is still behind the bars of Leavenworth federal prison, serving a sentence for illegal dogfighting, but already the former NFL star is making plans for when he once again walks the planet as a free man.  According to reports, these plans include a reality show, whose purpose will be to document Vick’s efforts to “make amends for his past.”  The show is set to begin shooting on July 20, the day Vick is released from prison.  Where it will go from there is anybody’s guess. Of course, cynics will point out that Vick probably has an ulterior motive [...]

Long-time CBS, FOX, ABC and NBC broadcaster John Madden has decided to hang up his whatever object you most associate with being an announcer and pursue a life of grandfatherly fussing and spending his shitloads of TV and video game money on turducken and whatever else strikes his expansive fancy.  “It’s time,” Madden said in a statement.  “I’m 73 years old. My 50th wedding anniversary is this fall.  I have two great sons and their families and my five grandchildren are at an age now when they know when I’m home and, more importantly, when I’m not.” I’m guessing everyone [...]

As a strict adherent to the sports bloggers’ Code, I am obligated – nay, required – to do a post anytime Erin Andrews does or says anything.  Erin Andrews is to sports blogging what oxygen is to the body.  Without her, it would die, and I would have to blog about politics or movies, or even – eeek – go outside.  So, a video of Erin talking about…something…not sure what…

Y’all saw the video showing the Suns‘ Lou Amundson‘s prank on teammate Shaquille O’Neal, the one where Amundson had Shaq’s rig filled with little pink styrofoam packing peanuts.  ‘Kay.  So you knew that Shaq was sooner or later going to get revenge on Lou, lest his reputation as the team’s greatest joker be jeopardized.  Well, said revenge has happened, and let’s just say, Shaq went a tad beyond Mr. Amundson’s relatively benign practical joke.  What Shaq did to Lou is actually, I believe, considered assault in many states. Shaq enlisted the aid of his teammates in setting upon Mr. Amundson, [...]

Viral advertisements starring sports stars are all the rage (see Kobe Bryant jumping over car bit).  Now, tennis’s Novak Djokovic has jumped on the bandwagon with this spot for something called Head.com.  And what is Head.com?  You won’t find out from the ad.  That’s how those things work anymore.  If Don Draper were alive today, he wouldn’t know what to make of all the geckos and cavemen and other crap being thrown at us.  Plus he’d be mad because they wouldn’t let him smoke anywhere.  The world he knew is dead.

Jay Cutler is already enjoying his new Chicago home.  According to Page 6, the recently acquired Bears quarterback was seen at Windy City hotspot Sub 51 getting acquainted with “internet celebrity” Julia Allison, a woman whose pictures are prominently featured on any number of creepy websites.  “[Jay] was sitting in a banquette and [Julia] was standing between his thighs, touching them and facing him,” a witness said. “They were all over each other. It was kind of gross. He was drinking beer all night but she stuck to water.” Jay Cutler = Chick Magnet.  Think I’m wrong?  Behold:

That endorsement was not the least bit staged.  I’m touched by such a sincere expression of admiration for my work.  And amazed at the accomplishments of modern cosmetic surgery.

Oscar De La Hoya has decided to hang up the gloves after a long and distinguished – and sometimes controversial – career.  A few cynics have unfortunately suggested that Oscar’s retirement is one of those “boxing retirements,” the kind that can be brought to an end by offering the retiree a giant pile of money.  I don’t agree though – I think Oscar’s through.  I think he sincerely wants to pursue other paths.  He has a great career ahead of him as a transvestite burlesque performer.  Shake that thang Oscar.  Don’t let nobody keep you from your dreams.