The War of the Hat Logos
Tiger Woods and Jack Nicklaus both played in the Memorial Skins game Wednesday, an event of amazing historical significance, and all I could think about was their dueling hat logos. Nicklaus with that dopey thing that looks like the universal symbol for the bears’ room (men’s, ladies’, bears’), and Tiger with his TW symbol which looks like it was among the finalists for the Decepticons’ logo before they went with the other thing. Perhaps I’m just not sensitive enough to the deeper meaning of two guys playing golf together, one old and white, the other young and part-black, in an event no one really cares about, for a prize that is more than most people will make in several years but is less than Tiger and Jack would spend on lap-dances in a single vacation?
Of course Tiger had to show everyone up in his Tigerly way: a chipshot contest was employed as a tiebreaker, and rather than just get the ball close, which would’ve been enough to win, Tiger sank it from the grass. And then acted all modest. It was cool of Kenny Perry to behave like he wasn’t pissed, but you know guys like Perry just simmer with hatred for Tiger, the same way the ugly fat kids in school were consumed with resentment for the golden-boy quarterbacks with the hot-ass cheerleaders hanging off them. If the truth had run through Kenny’s old bones for one second, he would’ve shoved his putter so far up Tiger’s rectum it would’ve broken his back teeth. Stevie Williams would’ve immediately jumped on Kenny and beaten him into a substance with a consistency and color more or less comparable to grape jelly, but he probably would’ve gone laughing at least.
By the way, how come Kenny doesn’t have a personal hat logo? He should get one of his 15 smoking-hot daughters to design one for him.
