10 Most Effed-Up Michael Jackson Moments
Michael Jackson was a lot of things in his life: adorable child star, great pop/R&B singer, electrifying live performer, music video pioneer and all-time best-selling recording artist. But, there was one role Michael may have excelled in above all others: pop culture sideshow freak.
Sometimes his outrageousness seemed deliberate; other times he seemed merely an innocent victim being tossed about by a cruel fate. And sometimes, he was just downright effed-up. While everyone else is busy remembering Jackson the singing and dancing sensation, we pay tribute to the man, the myth, the complete wack-job:
10. A Cry for Help
Joseph Merrick, aka The Elephant Man, was the most famous freak of his day. A hundred years after Merrick’s death, another renowned celebrity, Michael Jackson, would give an early indication of his own freakish tendencies by attempting to purchase the poor unfortunate man’s mortal remains. Contrary to belief, Jackson was never successful in this endeavor, so you can purge your brain of that vision of a tea party with Michael, Bubbles, Corey Feldman and the Elephant Man’s bones. It never happened.
9. Pajamas Are Not Appropriate Courtroom Attire
Michael’s child molestation trial turned into a media circus complete with daily helicopter tracking of his every move. One day he decided he just wasn’t going to show up for court. Only problem – you have to show up for court, even if you’re Michael Jackson. So Michael’s people dragged him out of bed and hauled him to the courtroom – without bothering to get him a change of clothes.
8. Bubbles
Michael first introduced us to Bubbles, his pet chimp, in 1987 – back when most people didn’t yet realize how out of his skull he was. Michael loved Bubbles so much, he used to take the chimp on the road with him, and sleep in the same bed with him. This was years before people found out that chimps make bad pets. Thankfully, Bubbles never attacked Michael or anyone else. He was finally sent to live in an animal sanctuary, and upon his death, was turned into a sculpture via a ghoulish process called “plastination.” Even in death, Bubbles remains a symbol of his one-time owner’s creepiness.
7. Michael Issues a Statement from Neverland
Facing intense media scrutiny after accusations of “improper conduct” with a child, Michael decided to speak directly to his fans via video. There were, however, several problems with his statement: 1) It made him look like a cult leader releasing encoded orders to his freak-job minions; 2) He insisted on talking about his “penis” and “buttocks,” which did nothing to dispel his growing perv reputation; and, 3) He blubbered exactly like a guilty person always does while insisting they’re innocent. The net result? People went from suspecting Jackson was frakked to knowing he was.
6. Crotch-Grab Mania
The release of Michael’s Black or White video was a major television event, but fans who stayed up to witness their hero’s latest opus were treated to more than they bargained for: an entire post-song dance sequence filled with images of Michael fingering his own crotch. The junk-grabbing got so disgusting, most didn’t even notice that the sequence was also absurdly violent and made no freaking sense. Public protests led to the dance number being removed from subsequent showings of the video. Nothing, however, could erase our memories.
5. Hair On Fire
Michael Jackson was at the height of his fame when he signed on to appear in an epic Pepsi commercial with his brothers, but triumph nearly turned to tragedy when an on-set pyrotechnics mishap set Michael’s hair on fire, causing his scalp to be badly burned. This horrific accident may actually have been the beginning of Michael’s life-long, and ultimately fatal, relationship with pain killers. It certainly didn’t help his brittle self-image to have his scalp torched off by fireworks. (What follows is a re-enactment of the event from some cheesy TV movie.)
4. Kissing Lisa Marie
It was hailed by a few as a union of two of show biz’s great families, and condemned by almost everyone else as something sick, wrong and disgusting. I’m talking about the marriage between Michael and Lisa Marie Presley, daughter of Elvis. I’m still not entirely sure what that whole thing was about – Michael trying to quiet the homosexual pedo rumors I guess – but I do know that, when Michael and Lisa Marie decided to go public with their love by sucking face on MTV, it made for one of the cringingest moments in world history.
3. Sudden…But Not Entirely Shocking
I guess we should’ve known that Michael would make a disturbing and mysterious end. He was, after all, Michael Jackson. His entire life had become a sad spectacle, so of course his death would have to be one too – and a full-on media orgy as well. Rest in peace Michael. You sure as hell didn’t get much peace on earth.
2. Please Tell Me That’s a Special Effect
For most people, dying suddenly of an apparent drug-induced heart attack would be far-and-away the most effed-up moment of their existence – but not Michael Jackson, whose untimely demise is surpassed by two moments of such staggering weirdness that I’m still not sure I entirely believe in them. The penultimate effed-up moment marked the point where Michael crossed the line from mere everyday show-biz freakishness to crazy horror-movie-villain levels. He was in court for something – I forget now; he was in court so damn much, you know – and the judge objected to his wearing his trademark surgical mask. So, in a moment out of Phantom of the Opera, Michael removed the mask…to reveal the tattered, tortured, deformed remains of his oft-discussed nose. We knew before that Michael was a plastic surgery freak, but we had no idea it was like this.
1. Holy Bleep, He Almost Dropped His Baby From a Hotel Balcony
What possesses a man to dangle his own infant son over a hotel balcony in full view of hundreds of people not to mention TV cameras? Within that question lies, I believe, the essence of the Michael Jackson enigma. There was just something missing there. Even crazier than the act, though, was the willingness of certain people to defend Jackson in spite of the insanely stupid thing everyone had seen him do. Some people, it seems, never wanted to believe that Michael really was that effed up. They chose to live in a fantasy world nearly as profound as Michael’s own, in which Michael was just a misunderstood Peter Pan, a poor tragic man who lost his childhood and spent the rest of his life trying to get it back. Well, he wasn’t the only one who ever felt that way. Most people deal with it by buying a Ferrari when they turn 45. Michael Jackson dealt with it by building his own amusement park, playing with chimpanzees, chopping his own nose off, plying children with Jesus juice so he could do God knows what, and nearly dropping an infant to his death.
Misunderstood? Probably. Tragic? Perhaps. Effed-up? No question about it.
[...] Jonesin’ has come up with 10 seriously screwed-up Michael Jackson moments. How he narrowed the list to just ten is [...]
June 27th, 2009 at 10:24 amWe all know MJ had serious demons, no surprize. The mind that created the music was tormented. We saw the downward spiral with only one end in sight. We are grieving the magic of the man and praying he finally found peace in the hands of our Lord, a peace he could never find here on earth. As for you, your small, we can not even bury the man before you start. We know what was wrong with MJ, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, WHY DO U NEEEEEEEED TO DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NO MATTER WHAT YOU WRITE YOU CAN NOT TAKE AWAY HIS MUSICAL GREATNESS AND HISTORY WILL REMEMBER HIM, YOU ARE ALREADY FORGOTTEN!
June 27th, 2009 at 10:25 amIt is frightening that so many people worshipped and lauded this person. Unfortunately, his life is as much a commentary on how far our society has fallen into total insanity as his own countless personal problems.
June 27th, 2009 at 10:45 amThis website sucks. No wonder so many people hate it.
June 27th, 2009 at 1:53 pmI personally love this site… Keep it up
June 27th, 2009 at 3:03 pmGood stuff. Keep it up!
June 27th, 2009 at 3:08 pmHehehe …. the greatest singer ever in my generation … how about if you write 10 screwed-up moments in your life, probably yours are worst , get them out of the closet …. this is the most stupid thing I ever read Mr. judge …
June 27th, 2009 at 4:44 pmI feel bad for Michael, he was the greatest performer the world has ever known and probably the most worshipped celebrity in the world.
June 27th, 2009 at 6:25 pmbut he had experienced everything in life before the age of thirty, he was rich enough to buy what ever and had already been everywhere he got bored of everything and did weird things to stay enterteined and the media made it worse so he became weird.
This is so mean.
… To be honest, after watching these videos,more than ever i really believe that he was not a good guy. And he was definitely a great performer. It is so sad that even after all that popularity, he was not happy. People mistreated him.. 
June 27th, 2009 at 10:11 pmYour comments are mean…
June 27th, 2009 at 10:17 pmYou know, Michael wasn’t the “greatest” anything, but tease. His music is unfulfilling. Yes, he could dance. Put that on his tombstone…”danced and jived and connived,”GREAT talent? God, we are going down the toilet and starved for meat and potatoes. Fluff and sham and please don’t throw “genius” into this.
June 28th, 2009 at 1:03 am[...] 10 Most Effed-Up Michael Jackson Moments | Pacman Jonesin … [...]
June 28th, 2009 at 1:03 pmAll of your insight makes perfect sense. The fact that Michael Jackson was a closet homosexual is denied by both the media and his family for only one reason: they stand to earn millions off the back of a heterosexual Michael Jackson vs. a homosexual pedophile. Those of you who are crying, “mean,” are simply naive and gullible.
June 28th, 2009 at 8:41 pmMICHAEL THE NARC-ANGEL
Millions of little members of the worldwide F.F.A. (Future Followers of the Antichrist) have learned how to find a certain part of their lower anatomy and quickly touch it while dancing – thanks to Michael Jackson, the highest paid Lower Anatomy Toucher of all time! Special thanks also go to the Jesus-bashing, Hell-bound Hollywood moguls who were just as quick to see higher profits in lower anatomies! [Just saw this opinion on the web. Other grabby items on MSN, Google, etc. include "Bible Verses Obama Avoids."]
June 28th, 2009 at 10:49 pmYou are a Freakin A-hole!!!!!
June 29th, 2009 at 4:18 amFor the rest of you brainless media monkeys. copy and paste this link to see the truth about the King of Pop. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mjEtpB... or see Documentary:”Changes”, “changes”v3 or Micheal Jackson and Vitiligo in youtube’s video library.
June 29th, 2009 at 6:09 amI wish that everybody will just let this man rest in piece, because not only did his father persecute this man/child but the public just went to far with all of their bs. Fact are facts, people had to tune into him whether they liked him or not just to see what new moves or brilliant videos he had for us to enjoy. He was the most brilliant star in my lifetime and I will always choose to believe nothing but the best of a child who was the same age as myself, that became the biggest star ever to shine. My heart is sad that there is no more.
I hope the media lets this family move on so that they can get together to do what is right for those children, may God watch over them all. God rest your beautiful heart and soul, Michael Jackson, you will forever be the best in my heart.
June 30th, 2009 at 6:05 pmReally? I’m glad everyone here is so perfect and have contributed so much to humanity.If you can cast stones and are without sin than you are a liar.You’ve probably done weird things in your life too. Seriously folks let the man rest in peace.
July 1st, 2009 at 2:38 pmYAY!! Someone in the media with the intestinal fortitude to point out that the boy was sick…sick…sick..I dont know if he molested the little boys he slept with, but I know he slept with them, he said he did…kids…not his kids, a stranger’s kids..thats sick. One little boy said he did molest him, they quickly paid millions of dollars to shut him up…If he did molest the kids there will be no resting in peace for MJ…Hell dont offer that. For those of you asking for God to watch over MJ..well, God said men who sleep with men are an abombination…Dont think MJ has a snowballs chance in hell of buying his way out of that….No just like the rest of us he made his own bed while he walked the earth, he will be judged. The rule book has been out for a long time he had plenty of time to read up on his fate…its called the bible.
But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.
July 3rd, 2009 at 6:33 amWoe unto the world because of offences! for it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh!
Michael Jackson will always be remembered as a legend.
July 3rd, 2009 at 8:51 amStatistics show that he will even pass Elvis in the most albums sold. This makes him the greatest entertainer/artist the world has ever known.
Did he do some questionable things in his career, yes. But that is expected with the amount of attention he received.
Michael Jackson had talent that will forever remain unmatched. He should be remembered for that, not the rumors.
Um … Bubbles is still alive, according to CNN:
http://bit.ly/18UqzM
How do we know Bubbles never attacked Michael? Maybe that’s the REAL reason for the plastic surgery…
July 3rd, 2009 at 9:49 amThis is a crime against humanity. Micheal very well have been the only thing keeping Korea off our asses. After they finish crying they just might blow us off the map. This is a nation of ass backward people. Please listen to Micheals Cry (rare)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJ5xxJ3QYsk
July 4th, 2009 at 4:13 amThe accusations made about Michael are sickening. He was obviously strange and eccentric, (to say the least), but eccentricity leads to amazing and mind-blowing creativity. Michael was, without a doubt, the most memorable and brilliant performer of our time. His love for children and desire to create a better world for them was totally warped in the media due to selfish people who saw an opportunity to make money off of him. Granted, it is strange to admit to letting young boys sleep in your bed, but his public admittance of that should be even further proof that in his strange mind; the thought of pedophilia being linked to allowing children to play in his home and sleep over never occurred to Michael. I believe with all of my heart that those nights in his home were spent reading stories and drinking hot cocoa as he stated. And as for him paying off the families who accused him-if your son was honestly molested by a man, would you accept bribery as compensation? Any decent parent who’s kid was traumatized in that manner would push further and want to see that man rot in prison. Michael just wanted the accusations to go away because of the pain and disturbance brought on to him by the families and media. AND let’s not forget that he was found INNOCENT of every charge in court.
Michael was an angel who’s only crime concerning children was being naive to how the cruel and sick minds of the world would perceive his generosity. He lived a tragic and misunderstood life. I’m a young adult who wasn’t around for most of MJ’s career and I can’t say that I was a huge fan, but I recognize his talent, impact on the entertainment industry, and enormous heart. Let’s not forget that he donated 1/3 of all of his profits to charity while slime bags like you sat on your asses and trashed his image to make money that I’m almost positive went to funding your own freakish habits. Leave the poor man alone and stop spending your days obsessing over digging up dirt and spreading horrible and false rumors about people. Talk about leading a freak-show life
July 9th, 2009 at 10:25 pmwhat is wrong with u, you exagerate everything mj did, is there any rule saying you have to wear a suit to coart, or u cant love animals. and to some of these coments; are people that jelous of how much love he’s gettin,
July 15th, 2009 at 10:23 am[...] Kath. Get help, Kath. Becuase, quite frankly, the world can’t bear another generation of weirdness from your [...]
September 30th, 2009 at 8:56 amI found your blog on google and read about 8 of your other posts. I just added you to my Google News Reader. Keep up the sweet work Look forward to reading more from you in the future. Many thanks
November 9th, 2009 at 5:27 pm