Pop Quiz: Basketball Hall Of Fame, Kobe Bryant Is A Swell Guy & Is Beadle The Most Bangable Babe?

You're joking right? I lost to someone from ESPN?

Labor Day is in the rear view mirror.  Summer vacation is over.  Put your notebooks away and take out a No. 2 pencil because it’s time for the first Pacman Jonesin’ Pop Quiz of 2009.   

1.  Who is the most bangable babe on television or the silver screen?

A.  Megan Fox

B.  Scarlett Johansson

C.  Michelle Beadle

D.  Halle Berry

Correct Answer:  C -  It’s a bit of a shocker, but Beadle is the most bangable.  Michelle just seems like she would be up for anything between the sheets and afterwards you could talk about the pennant races or NBA free agency.

2.  Which Class of 2009 Basketball Hall of Fame inductee isn’t worthy?

A.  Michael Jordan

B.  John Stockton (deserves to be inducted simply for the short-shorts)

C.  David Robinson

D.  Vivian Stringer

Correct Answer:  D -  The first three are phenomenal basketball players and the other one just coached a bunch of nappy headed ho’s.  What?  Vivian also won over 800 games?  Well, I guess she deserves some recognition for that accomplishment , but c’mon.

3.  Which is least likely to occur during the next three months?

A.  Peace in the Middle East

B.  Obamacare being passed without any resistance from conservatives

C.  Getting a man on Saturn to take spectacular photographs of all the rings

D.  Getting a man on Kathleen Turner

Correct Answer:  D - ”Romancing the Stone”, “Jewel of the Nile”, “Body Heat”…what happened? It’s just so depressing.  Let’s move on.

4.  Which incident involving a San Diego Chargers football player didn’t happen within a ten mile radius of my home?

A.  Shawne Merriman (allegedly) choked and physically restrained Tila Tequila

B.  Steve Foley was shot by an off-duty police officer

C.  After drinking heavily at a party, Terrence Kiel was driving on the wrong side of the street, smashed into a wall and died in a one car accident

D.  Phillip Rivers was charged with running an underaged sex slave operation out of the guest house in his back yard 

Correct Answer:   D - After listening to endless stories about DUI’s, assaults, shootings and drug related suspensions involving Chargers players over the past few years, literally anything is possible.  Although the deeply religious Rivers has not been involved in any off the field incidents, at this point I wouldn’t even raise an eyebrow if Phillip is handcuffed and taken into custody at some point during the season. 

5.  Which Kool-Aid makes fans the most myopic?

A.  Oakland Raiders (black & silver)

B.  Detroit Pistons (royal blue & red)

C.  Los Angeles Lakers (purple & gold)

D.  None of the above

Correct Answer:  C – This was a tough one.  Raider fan will go to his grave saying that Al Davis is a genius and every penalty called against the team is because the NFL is out to get the silver & black.   Piston fan is convinced Chris Wilcox, Ben Gordon, Charlie Villanueva and the decaying corpse of Ben Wallace will get Detroit another championship.   Frankly, I would rather drink a gallon of water directly from the Pacific Ocean than take a sip of either the Raiders or Pistons Kool-Aid. 

However, the nod has to go to the Lakers.  According to Laker fan, Derek Fisher can be productive for another year, Ron Artest will be a choir boy all season and Kobe Bryant is a team player who was merely giving something back to the Eagle, Colorado community by making a generous deposit of semen into the anus of a promiscuous hotel employee. 

Drew is the lead blogger for Pacman Jonesin’ and all future posts can be sent directly to your in-box by clicking here)