Top 10 Symptoms Of Norvitis

Screw the swine flu.  I have an acute case of Norvitis that I likely won’t be able to shake for another fourteen weeks.  You probably do as well if you have at least six of the following symptoms:

10. A sense of dread, doom and gloom that takes over your entire body when your favorite team is in a tight game with less than five minutes to play  

9.  Bad things always seem to happen to your favorite team and the head coach’s nickname coincidentally happens to be The Cooler.

8.  Your head coach continuously botches challenges game after game

7.  Despite having as much talent as any team in the league, the head coach’s overall record is only 20-13 (and 78-95-1 over his entire career)

6.  The head coach’s first name is Norval and his middle name is Eugene.  With a name like that is there any doubt that lil’ Norvie ate paste and got his ass pounded on a daily basis as a kid?

5.  Despite having four 1st and goal situations during a game, your team only comes away with four chip shot field goals

4.  After yet another game that could should have been won, your head coach gives the following quote, “We’re like every other team.  There are things we need to do better.  It is what it is.” 

3.  The head coach opts to kick a field goal on 3rd down inside the 5 yard line with 11 seconds to go before the half.  What kind of message is being sent  to your team with ultra-conservative and timid decisions like this?

2.  Jellyfish openly mock the head coach for being cowardly and spineless (see #3)

1.  Even though your quarterback has thrown for 426 yards during the game, on 4th and 2 with 35 seconds to go you decide to hand the ball off to a 5’6″ 180 pound running back.