Archive for September, 2009

  Faux Twitter Tweet Of The Day I only turned it over 5 times yesterday.  In the playoff game against Arizona I coughed it up 6 times.  Why is everyone so pissed off?  I’m improving, dammit! Jake Delhomme      September 14th   At one point in time, Tara Reid was an attractive and reliable actress.  Even at her peak of popularity, Reid never made the ’A’ list but she was certainly easy on the eyes.  Likewise, Delhomme has never been considered as a franchise quarterback.  However, he has always been relatively solid and steady…at least until his last two games.   Those two performances can best be described as follows:   [...]

  Are you ready for some football?  The first weekend of the NFL season is upon us and the alcohol will be flowing in bars, restaurants and homes a few short hours from now.  Just to make things a little more interesting, you and your buddies should down a shot or a beer (or a shot and a beer for the hardcore crowd) every time one of the following ten things happens: 10. Brad “The Professor” Childress looks dazed and confused on the sidelines- The beard isn’t fooling anyone Childress, you are still Captain Clueless.  9.   Shane Lechler punts the football – Oakland’s most dangerous offensive weapon has gotten a lot [...]

  Apparently some guy named Michael Jordan is being inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame today.  I never really heard of him, but I’ll tell you what…he has great taste in women.  In honor of Jordan (along with David Robinson, John Stockton and Jerry Sloan) being enshrined today, I’ve decided to induct 10 people into the Pacman Jonesin’ Hall of Shame.  The inaugural class is somewhat eclectic and I anticipate it will grow considerably over the coming months.    Just click on the Hall of Shame tab above or right here to check it out.  Oh, and if you want to read more [...]

  Speaking of hermaphrodites, Jesus Freak Brenda Warner has a new book called First Things First in stores right now.  OK, that was a cheap shot.  At one point in time, perhaps Brenda may have slightly resembled an intersexual.  However, that is certainly not the case now.   Here is a current photo of Kurt & Brenda.  Although I was a bit apprehensive when I picked up the book a few days ago, it really turned out to be very insightful and  informative.  Written in a He Said, She Said type format, there are a lot of candid, revealing and humorous anecdotes throughout [...]

  I’m sure most of you have heard the rumors about Jamie Lee Curtis.  However, hermaphrodite or no hermaphrodite, Jamie Lee has had one of the best bodies in Hollywood.  Bar none.  Why am I writing about the gender of Jamie Lee Curtis this morning?  It was reported yesterday that South African runner, Caster Semenya, might be a hermaphrodite as well (Ms./Mr. Semenya is pictured below). Call me twisted if you want, but I find the subject of hermaphrodites (or intersexuals as they are sometimes called) absolutely fascinating.    Although I’ll refrain from commenting in great detail until the definitive findings are made public (“The Sun” hardly qualifies [...]

  Richard Seymour has not reported to the Raiders yet and in a Pacman Jonesin’ exclusive, here are 10 things he would rather do than play for Al Davis in Oakland: 10.  Drink his own urine 9.    Drink Tom Cable’s urine 8.    Be Eddy Curry’s driver/personal assistant 7.    Hang out with Stephon Marbury 24/7 6.    Get up close & personal with Shaq’s ass to find out how it tastes 5.    Spend a weekend pleasuring Nancy Pelosi 4.    Become a full-time parole officer for Raiders fans 3.    Attend all Raiders home games in a San Diego Chargers jersey 2.    Be teabagged by a sweaty Robert Gallery  1.    Change Al’s Depends multiple [...]

  I know the NFL sesaon kicks off tomorrow night, but for some reason I have NBA hoops on my mind.  Perhaps this has something to do with Allen Iverson inking a deal with the Memphis Grizzlies and David Kahn acquiring yet another point guard earlier today.   Here is my latest top ten list…albeit with a bit of a twist: Top 10 Things That Will Happen This Season 10 - Number of games David Kahn is hoping the Timberwolves win 9 -   Times God will tell Iverson that Memphis is a very poorly run organization 8 -   Number of games Gilbert Arenas is planning to play 7 [...]

  Labor Day is in the rear view mirror.  Summer vacation is over.  Put your notebooks away and take out a No. 2 pencil because it’s time for the first Pacman Jonesin’ Pop Quiz of 2009.    1.  Who is the most bangable babe on television or the silver screen? A.  Megan Fox B.  Scarlett Johansson C.  Michelle Beadle D.  Halle Berry Correct Answer:  C -  It’s a bit of a shocker, but Beadle is the most bangable.  Michelle just seems like she would be up for anything between the sheets and afterwards you could talk about the pennant races or NBA free agency. 2.  Which Class of 2009 [...]