Top 5 Future Sports Headlines

Although I’m not a psychic (as far as you know), I’m almost certain that you’ll be seeing the following headlines before February comes to a close:

1.  Al Michaels Morphs Into John Madden

This just in:  Al Michaels is fat.  You know how a lot of guys gain weight when their wives/girlfriends/baby mamas are pregnant?  I think there is even a clinical term for it called sympathy weight.   Well, it appears as though Michaels has packed on a few a lot of pounds since John Madden left his side on Sunday Night Football.  Does Michaels miss Madden?  Is he paying homage to his hefty former broadcast partner? Once the Olympics end, I’ll reach out to Big Al and ask him to weigh in on the issue.

2.  Al Davis Signs Long Snapper Jon Condo To $10 million Deal

Speaking of fat guys, Raiders kicker Sebastian Janikowski, signed a $16 million contract earlier today.  This enormous deal comes a year after Davis bestowed punter Shane Lechler with a 4-yr $12 million contract.  Is there any doubt that Condo is going to be the next Raider player to ink an eight figure deal?

3.  Tiger Woods Banged Marilyn Chambers While She Was On Her Deathbed

After everything that has happened to Tiger during the past 2 1/2 months, would you even raise an eyebrow at this headline?  Of course not.  What if a close family friend of Chambers said that Woods paid the 56-year old former porn star a visit a few days before she died in April of last year and engaged in a rigorous lovemaking session Behind the Green Door?  Not me.  At this point there is absolutely nothing that would surprise me as far as Tiger is concerned.

4.  Marcus Camby Lost For Season With Patella Injury

What are the odds of three centers on one team sustaining season ending patella related injuries?  10,000:1?  500,000:1?  5,000,000:1?  I’m not sure, but I’m definitely putting $50 on Camby going down.

5. Clippers Trade Chris Kaman To Thunder for Etan Thomas, Kevin Ollie, DJ White & Cash

After the Clippers got just 40 cents on the dollar for Camby, anything is possible…especially when Donald Sterling and Mike Dunleavy are calling the shots.

Tags: al michaels, Marcus Camby, Winter Olympics