Look at Michael Strahan get down with Alicia Keys. I wonder if the gap is behind his vocal harmonics? Could be his secret. Hey, Madonna has a gap, too. Now that he’s not playing any longer he can bet on the Super Bowl, even though the NFL odds for the Giants won’t be as good without him in the fold.

“Don’t you go dyin’ on me now!” 

That may be from Dumb and Dumber, but the same applies to the moniker “Pac-Man” that will be harder to shake than a case of the crabs from a stripper in Vegas.

I took over here after a long hiatus during Pac-Man’s suspension.  I managed to visit his old haunts of “scrip” (strip) clubs, casinos and clubs around America…toured his now foreclosed house in suburban Nashville and when I got really bored, I broke out the Monopoly board and took all the play money out and made it rain on myself just for old times sake.

Now that the new “Praying for Don Imus“, squeaky clean version of “don’t call me Pac-Man” Jones is back and ready to start camp for the Cowboys.  He claims its because there’s so much negativity behind it, he just wants to be Mr. Jones like the Counting Crows song goes…well, it ain’t “Mr. Jones and Me” around these parts you bastard.  We are gonna need to cue up Prince and Purple Rain for the “Cornerback formerly known as Pac-Man”.  You’re going to kill my site, don’t you understand how Google works Adam?!?  Go ahead and be Adam for a while, but you’ll always be Pac-Man here.

We got are noodles wet last night during that absolute demolition job Peyton Manning and the Indianapolis Colts did to the New Orleans Saints lat night. And while it was great to finally usher in the NFL season, what the hell do they expect us to do until Sunday without any other games? Especially for us non-college football junkies? Fortunately, we’re not shit out of luck…

• Non-Football Shit to Do Until Sunday 

• DVD - Grindhouse Presents, Death Proof (Extended Cut) - Since this doesn’t come out for another week and a half, you’ll have to get resourceful and find it on the Net (I won’t tell you how, but trust me — it’s possible). Planet Terror sucked, so seeing a longer version of this film without having to endure the ho-hum P.T. first is definitely the way to go. Call me a fan boy, but Quentin Tarantino can truly do no wrong.

• In Theatres - 3:10 to Yuma - Now, Shoot ‘Em Up starring Clive Owen probably isn’t a terrible call, especialy if you’re looking for that last popcorn flick of the summer. I love Owen (Children of Men fucking rocked), Paul Giamatti can act his ass off and Monica Bellucci is just about the hottest thing alive. But we see dozens of movies like that every few years. How often do we see a critically praised (82% on Rotten Tomatoes) Western that pits two of today’s finest actors working – Christian Bale and Russell Crowe — up against one another? How about never. From what I’ve heard, Walk the Line director James Mangold knocks this one out of the park Rick Ankiel-on-HGH style.

• UFC - UFC 75: Champion vs. Champion: Dan Henderson vs. Quenton “Rampage” Jackson - This highly anticipated London bout is both free on Spike TV, and the first ever UFC unification title bout (both the PRIDE and UFC light heavyweight titles are on the line). Henderson took his title from Wanderlei Silva, Jackson from Chuck Liddell, and both fighters won by highlight-reel knockouts. I’d wish that I was extremely confident about my boy Rampage walking away the undisputed champ after dropping Big Dan, but it could go either way. You absolutely, positively, do not want to miss this card.

More football stuff coming later in the weekend, including the second half of my NFL preview, some fantasy stuff, etc…

I’ve always had mixed emotions about longtime Kansas City Chiefs general manager Carl Peterson, aka King Carl. I must admit, however, that this is one of my all-time favorite King Carl moments. I’m not going to say that it’s difficult to make President Bush look stupid. What I will say is that Peterson certainly has a monster set of testicles on him. I guess when you deal with the Drew Ronsenhauses and Tom Condons of the world everyday, Dub-ya is no problem. From HBO’s Hard Knocks…

On a more serious note, go here to buy the hat and support the Greensburg, KS tornado victims and the Greensburg Rangers football team.

(Footage courtesy of HBO/NFL Films)

Labor Day weekend has passed. All of the fantasy drafts are over, all the boats have docked, and, hopefully, everyone has made a safe return back to the real world. That being said, you are probably either severely depressed to be back at work or eagerly anticipating the NFL’s kickoff weekend (or both). Taking that into consideration, I think the Pacman Jonesin’ NFL preview might be exactly what you all need to get through this tough time. Reader beware: This NFL preview has Tourettes. I can and will say anything that pops into my head while discussing each team. C’mon, don’t tell me you’ve never wanted to act like this…

• NFL Preview With Tourettes Part I
  

• Arizona Cardinals - It’s ironic that the Cards play in the desert, because they’re the most snake-bitten team in the NFL. I would feel bad for Whizzincunt’s new team, but for as cool as Matt Leinart thinks he is, he’s a real fucking loser. A loser who has a lot more money STDs than me (I have none, for the record). Don’t bet on this squad and only rely on Anquan Boldin and Larry Fitzgerald fantasy football wise. 2008 Prediction: About 7-9

• Atlanta Falcons - They’ll be under dogs all season long. Sorry. Couldn’t help it. I told you about my condition. Anyway, Joey Harrington might not be as exciting as Ookie, but he’s a nice guy who doesn’t misbehave off the field, have Leinart Syndrome or sneak contraband through airports. Alge Crumpler is the only guy you really want on your fantasy team, unless you want to take a flier on Joe Horn late. 2008 Prediction: About 6-10

• Baltimore Ravens - Big deal — they dumped one scumbag for another. If Willis McGahee scores more rushing touchdowns in ‘07 than he has illegitimate kids, I’ll be shocked. Still, the Ravens have a dominant defense and one of the better coaches in the league in Brian Billeck. Plus, Steve McNair knows how to get it done. Never put anything past a man who can get arrested fro DUI from the passenger seat. 2008 Prediction: About 11-5

Continue Reading »

(listening pleasure: The Needle and the Damage Done - Neil Young)

• Are LaRon Landry and Sean Taylor the toughest safety tandem in the NFL? Two dismembered Kodiak bears certainly think so. - Kissing Suzy Kolber

• Herm Edwards plays to win the game, but even he gets the beans above the franks sometimes. “I did a TERRIBLE job!” - Arrowhead Addict

• Is it just me, or is Martin Rucker the fuckin’ man? - Ramblin’ Fan

• Roy Williams is straight pissed that the Dallas Cowboys brass decided to dump veteran cornerback Aaron Glenn. - Hashmarks

• Jeremiah Trotter and his trademark slowness are now property of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. - First and 10 Inches via MDS

• There’s a magazine packed to the brim with NFL cheerleaders? And I’m just now finding out? Does it come with stick-resistant pages? - Epic Carnival

• CBS’ Clark Judge whips out an article about Ocho Cinco that includes the phrase “sexy back.” Just admit it, Clark, you tuned into the J.T. concert last night on HBO. - CBS Sportsline via Cincy Jungle

• The Miami Dolphins are getting ready to hit some ‘Skins this weekend. Hey, aren’t we all? - Phin Phanatic

• Just a hilarious take on Dunta Robinson’s home getting robbed. Dude even gets burned by robbers. - Battle Red Blog

• Taking a look at the newest Denver Bronco — Chucky hater Simeon Rice. - Mile High Report