We couldn’t pass up posting this one…lol…enjoy the Fourth, Hancock style! Well, actually, no. Don’t pass out on some park bench.

(hat tip: Movie Moron)

Clinton Portis is hilarious. The NFL Network had a contest of sorts you can participate in where he will show up in costme at a press conference after a game this upcoming season.

My vote would go to his UFC fighter Budd Foxx who is 0-17, weighs 220 and fights at 115. Special move? Cracking fingers. The guy’s neck is monstrous!

Dr. Do Itch Big which apparently stands for Dr. Do It Big makes amazing custom grills like Marshawn Lynch’s Beast Mode (right) and claims he also made Strahan’s gap!

This dude is nutty but we love it here at PJ!

That may be from Dumb and Dumber, but the same applies to the moniker “Pac-Man” that will be harder to shake than a case of the crabs from a stripper in Vegas.

I took over here after a long hiatus during Pac-Man’s suspension.  I managed to visit his old haunts of “scrip” (strip) clubs, casinos and clubs around America…toured his now foreclosed house in suburban Nashville and when I got really bored, I broke out the Monopoly board and took all the play money out and made it rain on myself just for old times sake.

Now that the new “Praying for Don Imus“, squeaky clean version of “don’t call me Pac-Man” Jones is back and ready to start camp for the Cowboys.  He claims its because there’s so much negativity behind it, he just wants to be Mr. Jones like the Counting Crows song goes…well, it ain’t “Mr. Jones and Me” around these parts you bastard.  We are gonna need to cue up Prince and Purple Rain for the “Cornerback formerly known as Pac-Man”.  You’re going to kill my site, don’t you understand how Google works Adam?!?  Go ahead and be Adam for a while, but you’ll always be Pac-Man here.

• Non-Football Shit to Do Until Sunday 

• DVD - Grindhouse Presents, Death Proof (Extended Cut) - Since this doesn’t come out for another week and a half, you’ll have to get resourceful and find it on the Net (I won’t tell you how, but trust me — it’s possible). Planet Terror sucked, so seeing a longer version of this film without having to endure the ho-hum P.T. first is definitely the way to go. Call me a fan boy, but Quentin Tarantino can truly do no wrong.

• In Theatres - 3:10 to Yuma - Now, Shoot ‘Em Up starring Clive Owen probably isn’t a terrible call, especialy if you’re looking for that last popcorn flick of the summer. I love Owen (Children of Men fucking rocked), Paul Giamatti can act his ass off and Monica Bellucci is just about the hottest thing alive. But we see dozens of movies like that every few years. How often do we see a critically praised (82% on Rotten Tomatoes) Western that pits two of today’s finest actors working – Christian Bale and Russell Crowe — up against one another? How about never. From what I’ve heard, Walk the Line director James Mangold knocks this one out of the park Rick Ankiel-on-HGH style.

• UFC - UFC 75: Champion vs. Champion: Dan Henderson vs. Quenton “Rampage” Jackson - This highly anticipated London bout is both free on Spike TV, and the first ever UFC unification title bout (both the PRIDE and UFC light heavyweight titles are on the line). Henderson took his title from Wanderlei Silva, Jackson from Chuck Liddell, and both fighters won by highlight-reel knockouts. I’d wish that I was extremely confident about my boy Rampage walking away the undisputed champ after dropping Big Dan, but it could go either way. You absolutely, positively, do not want to miss this card.

More football stuff coming later in the weekend, including the second half of my NFL preview, some fantasy stuff, etc…

On a more serious note, go here to buy the hat and support the Greensburg, KS tornado victims and the Greensburg Rangers football team.

(Footage courtesy of HBO/NFL Films)

• NFL Preview With Tourettes Part I
  

• Arizona Cardinals - It’s ironic that the Cards play in the desert, because they’re the most snake-bitten team in the NFL. I would feel bad for Whizzincunt’s new team, but for as cool as Matt Leinart thinks he is, he’s a real fucking loser. A loser who has a lot more money STDs than me (I have none, for the record). Don’t bet on this squad and only rely on Anquan Boldin and Larry Fitzgerald fantasy football wise. 2008 Prediction: About 7-9

• Atlanta Falcons - They’ll be under dogs all season long. Sorry. Couldn’t help it. I told you about my condition. Anyway, Joey Harrington might not be as exciting as Ookie, but he’s a nice guy who doesn’t misbehave off the field, have Leinart Syndrome or sneak contraband through airports. Alge Crumpler is the only guy you really want on your fantasy team, unless you want to take a flier on Joe Horn late. 2008 Prediction: About 6-10

• Baltimore Ravens - Big deal — they dumped one scumbag for another. If Willis McGahee scores more rushing touchdowns in ‘07 than he has illegitimate kids, I’ll be shocked. Still, the Ravens have a dominant defense and one of the better coaches in the league in Brian Billeck. Plus, Steve McNair knows how to get it done. Never put anything past a man who can get arrested fro DUI from the passenger seat. 2008 Prediction: About 11-5

• Buffalo Bills - Considering the collection of losers they’re trying to masquerade as a football team, I’m not so sure the Buffalo Bulls, a glorified NCAA D-II team, couldn’t fare just as well. Draft Lee Evans (not too early) and J.P. Losman (late), because the Bills will pretty much be trailing from the point they step on the field this Sunday all the way to January. Ignore Marshawn Lynch. I know it’s hard to turn your back on such a “solid” player, but you’ve got to. 2008 Prediction: About 0-17 (the Bills will find a way to lose on their bye week)

• Carolina Panthers - Steve Smith is my M.F., but I wouldn’t touch him fantasy football wise with Matt Leinart’s dick. I’ll never forget when that guy broke his leg during the opening game years ago and crushed my hopes and dreams. David Carr and Jake Delhomme may be the worst twosome in Carolina since these two. Wait a minute, I kinda dig those two. Anyway, fantasy owners should steer clear of the quarterbacks and running backs, and probably Steve Smith , too, considering how high he’s going. Just tune in, enjoy Julius Peppers and don’t expect too much, even in the NFC. 2008 Prediction: About 9-7

• Chicago Bears - Honestly, I’d rather have this 80 proof signal caller than Rex Grossman. They both blow, and I’m not just talking about breathalyzer tests either. At least Kyle Orton can party. Brian Urlacher is cool, because he goes all Baldwin on his ex and kid, and grabs more than just opponent’s jerseys. Don’t draft Devin Hester or any other Bears WRs, because Cedric Benson is the only Bears player you want on your fantasy squad (other than the defense, and if you pick defenses early enough to get that unit you’re an idiot). Da Bears will have another great year, just don’t expect another trip to Da Super Bowl. 2008 Prediction: About 12-4

• Cincinnati Bengals -After the Bungles both missed last years playoffs and racked up more arrests than the rest of the league combined (thanks to the human arrest machine), I’m shocked Marvin Lewis is still the head coach. Then again, we are talking about Ohio, where as long as the Buckeyes win everybody could give two shits about anything else. With Carson Palmer, Ocho Cinco and T.J. Whosyodaddy, the offense looks great. Stay the hell away from Rudi Johnson, whose fantasy stats put the “P” in pedestrian considering he’s typically a second-round pick. I’m not even going to bring up the defense and secondary. Ugh. 2008 Prediction: About 8-8

• Cleveland Browns - If Tom Cruise isn’t the poster boy for wannabe hunks who need to come out of the closet, then Mr. Quinn is next in line. Did I say that the Cardinals were the NFL’s unluckiest team? Well, if that’s true, then these sorry sons of bitches aren’t far behind. One more question: Is Romeo Crennel trying to get fired? Brady Quinn might be the biggest douche alive, but he’s a way better QB than Charlie Frye. Unless we’re talking Kellen Winslow, don’t ever play a Cleveland Browns player during the 2007 fantasy season. I guess you can play Braylon Edwards or Jamal Lewis, but if you’re that desperate just go do this to yourself. 2008 Prediction: About 3-13

• Dallas Cowboys - Wade Phillips. No, I’m serious — Wade Phillips. Remember that this team couldn’t win a playoff game with The Tuna coaching, then say his name again. Wade Phillips. I knew you’d see things my way. On the other hand, even though you’d expect his daughter to look like this, she actually looks like this. I’d definitely give her a rodgering, and cross my fingers that visions of daddy didn’t fill my head. It’s OK to have T.O. on your fantasy squad, just hope that all he continues to drop is teammates under the bus, and not passes. Tony Romo is acceptable as well, but you better have a back-up option. The combination of the muffed hold in the playoffs and Carrie Underwood (don’t tell Tony she was with that fat guy) could cause him to be all over the place this season. 2008 Prediction: About 9-7

• Denver Broncos - Is it just me, or is it a bad omen when two of a team’s players die during the offseason? Bill Simmons thinks Javon Walker is going to rebound and have a great year. I disagree. If I caught a dead’s guys head in my lap after bullets sprayed my limo, I’d probably drop everything thrown at me for the rest of my life. If the brother’s traumatized, can you really blame him? Jay Cutler isn’t a terrible option at QB, and Brandon Marshall has sleeper potential. But stay away from Travis Henry unless your league gives bonus points for fathering illegitimate kids. 2008 Prediction: About 8-8

• Detroit Lions - So, the Lions needed help at all kinds of positions, but once again took a wideout with a top ten pick. This always works out well, right? The only person who’s done a worse job than Matt Millen this decade and kept their position is Dub-ya. That’s it. Anyway, feel good about having Jon Kitna and his top three receivers — Calvin Johnson, Mike Furrey and Roy Williams — and don’t even think about the two backs. If you are one of the few Lions fans actually exist, get your paper bags out and poke out eye and mouth holes. You’ll need those if you plan on going to any games after week seven or so. 2008 Prediction: About 6-10

• Green Bay Packers - I swear, Brett Favre is going to keep playing until this happens. Sadly enough, Favre is about all the Packers have. I’m not saying this team is going to bad — I’m saying that the Pack is going to be fucking awful. Don’t give any Packer not named Donald Driver a fantasy start (at least for now), and don’t place a bet on the Pack making the playoffs with your bookie. You might as well wipe your ass with your money. Brandon Jackson? Vernand Morency? Is Mike McCarthy serious? 2008 Prediction: About 4-12

• Houston Texans - At least the Texans finally got rid of that old, broken down Carr. Now, this is Matt Schaub’s team. He better hope that the offensive line is ready to go to work, because if not he’s going to get the shit kicked out of him. Ahman Green and Andre Johnson are both definitely worth a shot, though, and keep rookie WR Jacoby Jones on your fantasy radar. I think the Texans finish third in the AFC South, which won’t leave them with a very pretty overall record. You think the front office regrets drafting Mario Williams right about now? I do. Drink up, Texans fans, no playoffs for you this season… again. 2008 Prediction: About 7-9

• Indianapolis Colts - Juggernaut offense, pathetic defense. I saw the playoffs, but the “D” won’t be able to build on that success after losing Booger, Cato June and several corners. Peyton and Co. will once again provide the fireworks, but so will opposing offenses. Watch Anthony Gonzalez if you are looking for a mid-season fantasy sleeper. He could be the new Brandon Stokley (who really only had one great game, but I digress). The Colts are good enough to take the AFC South and win a playoff game or two, but I don’t think they’ll repeat as AFC Champs. Sorry, Naptown. Hey, there’s always the Pacers. 2008 Prediction: About 12-4

• Jacksonville Jaguars - When Byron Leftwich is “euporic” about getting released, and subsequently losing both his starting job and $5.1 million, you know the Jags could be in deep trouble. David Garrard isn’t too shabby, but he’s no Steve Young. The defense will have to play out of its mind (something John Henderson and the crew are capable of), and Fred Taylor and MJD will have to remain both healthy and effective for this team to even have a shot. Actually, knowing that the Jags have the softest run schedule in the league, I actually do think they have a chance to make the playoffs. Now, the franchise remaining in Jacksonville, there’s something that has no chance of happening. Five years from now, Shooter McGavin will be a linebackers coach somewhere else, and the the Jags will be known as the Hollywood Anorexics. 2008 Prediction: About 12-4

• Kansas City Chiefs - Since I refuse to talk smack on my own team, just know that any team who’s GM (Carl Peterson) can make a fool out of the President is a pretty cool team. Actually, who can’t make a fool out of the President nowadays. It’s so easy it’s almost not even cool now. If you’ve watched hard Knocks, not only did you see Dub-ya, but you also saw Kelli Croyle and October Russell’s sexy asses that the Chiefs have an improved defense and a healthy, rested Larry Johnson. The Chiefs will at least break even. 2008 Prediction: About 8-8

Teams 17-32 coming soon…

• Are LaRon Landry and Sean Taylor the toughest safety tandem in the NFL? Two dismembered Kodiak bears certainly think so. - Kissing Suzy Kolber

• Herm Edwards plays to win the game, but even he gets the beans above the franks sometimes. “I did a TERRIBLE job!” - Arrowhead Addict

• Is it just me, or is Martin Rucker the fuckin’ man? - Ramblin’ Fan

• Roy Williams is straight pissed that the Dallas Cowboys brass decided to dump veteran cornerback Aaron Glenn. - Hashmarks

• Jeremiah Trotter and his trademark slowness are now property of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. - First and 10 Inches via MDS

• There’s a magazine packed to the brim with NFL cheerleaders? And I’m just now finding out? Does it come with stick-resistant pages? - Epic Carnival

• CBS’ Clark Judge whips out an article about Ocho Cinco that includes the phrase “sexy back.” Just admit it, Clark, you tuned into the J.T. concert last night on HBO. - CBS Sportsline via Cincy Jungle

• The Miami Dolphins are getting ready to hit some ‘Skins this weekend. Hey, aren’t we all? - Phin Phanatic

• Just a hilarious take on Dunta Robinson’s home getting robbed. Dude even gets burned by robbers. - Battle Red Blog

• Taking a look at the newest Denver Bronco — Chucky hater Simeon Rice. - Mile High Report

• Pacman Jones TNA memorabilia is going fast… get it while you still can! Rep The Namesake! - Mondesi’s House

• The Baltimore Ravens have started flirting with Byron Leftwich a little. - Baltimore Sun

• Leftwich is also “euphoric” that Jack Del Rio Shooter McGavin handed him his walking papers. Is he euphoric about losing that cool$5.1 million, too? - Fanhouse

• Simeon Rice signs with the Denver Broncos. Is it just me, or does it seem like the Donks never run out of dough? - ESPN

• The Kingster loves the Arizona Cardinals latest addition — Quentin Moses. - Raising Zona via Peter King/SI.com

• Yahoo! totally blew it on this Ladell Betts story. Washington Redskins fans probably shit themselves for a second. - Hogs Haven

• Bill Belichick and Brad Childress go at it Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots style. - The Viking Age

• The New England Patriots handed Reche Caldwell his pink slip. He’ll land on his feet quickly. - Pats Pulpit

• Bristol’s NFL wizard John Clayton has a worthwhile new article on happenings around the league. - John Clayton/ESPN

• The St. Louis Rams signed Antonio Pittman. I can’t believe the Saints cut him, even with theirdepth at the position. - Turf Show Times

• So Captain Outspoken himself Rodney Harrison (is it just me, or doesn’t he always talk smack on controversial players like T.O.) has been suspended for four games for using Human Growth Hormone. Busted. I love it! - Reiss’ Pieces

• While we’re on the topic of making fun of people who use performance enhancing drugs (this time it’s Shawne Merriman), Vernon Davis is my new personal fucking hero. - More Credible

• Michael Strahan — we call him Ol’ Gap Tooth ’round here — is back. Now, let me guess, is it for the money or to climb further up the all-time sack leaders list. - Big Blue View

• Terrell Owens just doesn’t get it, does he? How many QBs can one guy throw under the bus. - Larry Brown Sports