Did you miss any basketball action? The season is just getting going. Use Kohl’s coupons to buy that TV you’ve always wanted and don’t miss another second of NBA action and news.
5. Gilbert Arenas Being Suspended - After allegedly failing to pay a five figure gambling debt to a teammate, Agent Zero’s actions caused him to be suspended without pay to the tune of $147,000 per game. The $80 million plus in guaranteed money that is left on his contract may also be voided by the Washington Wizards. Hold on a second, come to think of it this isn’t that surprising at all. Arenas has been an eccentric assclown his entire career.
4. The Philadelphia 76ers – There is simply no other way to say it. The Sixers suck. The Answer hasn’t been a cancer…yet…but he certainly hasn’t improved the team since he’s been there. At 10-24, the 76ers are tied for the 3rd worst record in the league.
3. Marc Gasol Can Really Ball- Statistically speaking, Marc Gasol has performed nearly as well as big brother Pau this season (14.9 ppg, 9.9 rpg and 1.4 bpg vs. 16.8 ppg, 11.5 rpg and 1.7 bpg). Now instead of the Grizzlies-Lakers being the worst trade in NBA history, it’s only one of the ten worst.
2. The Sacramento Kings - Despite being without their leading scorer for most of the season, the Kings have managed to win 14 games. I didn’t think they would win more than a couple dozen all year, however, the one-two punch of Tyreke and Omri make a once troubled franchise’s future very bright.
1. No Big NBA Cheerleader/Dancer Stories – Since Dwight Howard hasn’t knocked up another Magic cheerleader and Vanessa Bryant hasn’t had any other Laker Girls thrown off the squad for banging her husband in a Staples Center storage closethaving an affair with her husband, it’s been eerily quiet so far this season.
It’s only a matter of time though. Any day I’m expecting to hear a story about David Stern fathering a love child with a member of the Celtics Dancers. What, too improbable? I beg to differ. After what has happened to Tiger Woods during the past month there is absolutely nothing out of the realm of possibility anymore.
Want to see more of the Celtics Dancers? Your wish is my command…
Now this is what I call a great way to ring in the new year…JLo prancing around in a skin tight outfit in the rain. Nice. Very nice. Although 2010 is only four days old there is plenty to talk about right now and I’ve decided to kick things off with a little stream of consciousness post about a variety of topics while scarfing down a roast beef & swiss on rye:
NBA Rookie of the Year Race- The season has kicked into 3rd gear and there are a lot of rookies making an impact. Brandon Jennings and Tyreke Evans have undisputedly been the cream of the crop, but there are others making a name for themselves…notably Omri Casspi. If I had to cast a vote for ROY today, the Jewish Jordan would be #3 on my list:
1. Tyreke Evans
2. Brandon Jennings
3. Omri Casspi
4. Ty Lawson
5. Stephen Curry
6. Jonny Flynn
7. Jonas Jerebko
8. DeJuan Blair
9. James Harden
10. Chase Budinger
NBA Coaches Are Petty, Vindictive and Clueless- Memo to Mike D’Antoni, Don Nelson and Eddie Jordan: put your best players on the damn court and you might win more games. These three coaches have won a lot of NBA games in their respective careers but the records of the New York Knicks, Golden State Warriors and Philadelphia 76ers are all abysmal right now. Why? One primary reason is that the three aforementioned coaches have refused to play Nate Robinson, Anthony Randolph and Samuel Dalembert at least 30+ minutes a game. Simply inexcusable.
D’Antoni in particular deserves to be singled out. Human dynamo Nate Robinson didn’t get off the bench for the entire month of December because D’Antoni’s panties were in a bunch over a few innocuous issues (one being Nate shooting at the wrong basket after the buzzer sounded at the end of a quarter). Nate had 14 consecutive DNP’s before being allowed back on the court against the Atlanta Hawks a few days ago. How did Nate respond? He was 18-24 from the floor, scored 41 points and handed out 8 assists in a thrilling come from behind victory over one of the league’s best teams. Genius my ass. Without Steve Nash around, D’Antoni is just another hypersensitive coach unable to sniff .500.
BASEketball - For some reason I never saw even a minute of BASEketball until late last month. All I can say after watching it is WOW. As in, wow, I can’t believe Bob Costas and Al Michaels actually read the script before agreeing to be in that movie. While there are definitely15-20 solid minutes of comedy in the film, about 2/3 of it was just utter nonsense.
The San Diego Padres Are A Joke – While real major baseball teams spend the off-season trying to acquire quality players, the Padres always seem to be picking through the bargain bin at a used bookstore. Yesterday I read that 40-year old Brad Ausmus might be brought in to be the back up catcher this season. It would be Brad’s 2nd tour of duty with the team after serving as their starting catcher in 1994 and 1995. In case Padres management hasn’t noticed it is now 2010. The same article said that Reed Johnson was likely going to be signed to shore up the outfield. Here are the 33-year old Johnson’s career statistics. What an absolute embarrassment of a franchise.
Chad Ochocinco - Although Ochocinco injured his knee and laid an egg last night against the Jets, he has had a very productive season for the playoff bound Cincinnati Bengals. Up until now, I had always thought Chad was a supremely talented malcontent. Well, after reading the book Ocho Cinco, my opinion of him has changed…slightly. I found his blunt observations refreshing and the sections written by his peers to be very revealing. Clearly, the vast majority of the NFL has a lot of respect for Ochocinco. This is definitely a book that doesn’t pull any punches and as an added bonus has the most I’s and me’s in the history of modern publishing. Overall I’d give Ocho Cinco a solid B+.
One guy who certainly won’t be disappointed to look at 2009 in the rear view mirror is Tiger Woods. Although Woods has been MIA for the better part of a month now, he did graciously send me a few links for PJ readers to check out as we enter a new year and decade.
The biggest bust and best baller in the NFL this season Gunaxin
Hope everyone had a nice Christmas yesterday! The Sacramento Kings are one of the major surprises of the NBA season so far and may…gulp…even contend for a playoff berth. The Jewish Jordan, Omri Casspi, and ROY front runner Tyreke Evans are two big reasons why the future is rosy for the hard luck Kings.
I’ve been ranking all 30 NBA teams on a monthly basis over at Sir Charles In Charge, but have decided to do so for the remainder of the season here at Pacman Jonesin’. Please note that the prior month’s rank is in parenthesis. Away we go…
1) Boston Celtics (1) – Both Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce are hurting right now, but the Celtics just keep rolling. Kendrick Perkins has been rock solid in the middle the entire season.
2) Cleveland Cavaliers (3) – Mo Williams is heating up and the Cavs made the listless Lakers look like chumps yesterday. If GM Danny Ferry can add another piece or two, the Cavs could be the team to beat in the East.
3) Orlando Magic (2) – Still the deepest team in the league, but Stan Van Gundy’s Magic squad failed to show up yesterday against the Pierce-less Celtics.
4) Atlanta Hawks (5) – A 20-8 record is certainly stellar and the Hawks have now made it the Big 4 in the East. Although they’re athletic as any team in the league, Atlanta still needs another big body to contend with Boston, Cleveland and Orlando.
5) Miami Heat (8) – Michael Beasley has been the second banana most nights, but Dwyane Wade is still forced to carry too much of the load. Pat Riley needs to bring in a couple more players or the Heat won’t have any hope of winning a playoff series.
6) Toronto Raptors (4) - One of the biggest disappointments to date. Bryan Colangelo made a lot of changes in the off season and I expected the Raptors to win 50 games. Clearly that isn’t going to happen.
7) Washington Wizards (7) – At this point, the Wizards are on the outside of the playoffs looking in. However, there is simply too much talent on the roster to keep playing at a .370 pace. I expect Arenas, Jamison and Butler to regain their prior magic and go on a long winning streak very soon.
8) Milwaukee Bucks (13) – At the start of the season I thought the Bucks and Nets would be the worst teams in the conference. Turns out I was half right. At 12-15, the Bucks are currently a playoff team and Brandon Jennings is definitely the catalyst. Only time will tell if the Bucks can continue their winning ways, but there is no doubt that Young Money will be a force in the NBA for another fifteen years.
9) Charlotte Bobcats (12) – Gerald Wallace has been sensational, but he’ll need a lot more help during the remaining 2/3 of the season.
10) Detroit Pistons (10) – When a 2nd round draft pick named Jonas Jerebko has been one of the biggest bright spots, you know it has been a long year.
11) New York Knicks (14) – Mike D’Antoni would rather wage petty personal battles with players (e.g. Nate Robinson) than win games.
12) Chicago Bulls (6) – If Vinny Del Negro is the head coach on Valentine’s Day it will be a miracle.
13) Indiana Pacers (11) – Danny Granger can’t return soon enough for a team stuck in quicksand.
14) Philadelphia 76ers (9) – It has been a dreadful season in the City of Brotherly Love and Allen Iverson certainly won’t be saving the sinking ship.
15) New Jersey Nets (15) – Lawrence Frank or no Lawrence Frank, the Nyets are abysmal.
1) Los Angeles Lakers (1) - 23-5 is the best record in basketball, but complacency better not set in or the defending champs won’t repeat.
2) Dallas Mavericks (3) – Erick Dampier continues to be a beast and the Mavs have a very talented roster.
3) Denver Nuggets (4) – Chauncey Billups needs to be healthy for the Nuggets to have any chance of making it back to the Western Conference championship.
4) Portland Trailblazers (5) – The injuries are piling up faster than you can say, “Greg Oden looks like a 48-year old man.” However, it doesn’t matter who plays (see Grandpa Juwan Howard) as the wins keep coming.
5) San Antonio Spurs (2) - Cohesion and chemistry have been lacking as the Spurs possess a mediocre 15-11 record. Despite this slow start, Greg Popovich should have his troops ready well in advance of the playoffs five months from now.
6) Phoenix Suns (8) – After losing two straight at home, the Suns slaughtered the Clippers yesterday and continue to be one of the big early season surprises. However, Channing Frye and Amar’e Stoudemire provide very little resistance in the paint and bigger teams will always be tough to beat unless Phoenix shoots lights out from the perimeter.
7) Houston Rockets (9) – Trevor Ariza and Aaron Brooks have led the undersized Rockets to a 17-12 record and it appears as though Houston is locked into a 7th or 8th seed.
8) Utah Jazz (6) – The names and faces are the same, but Utah has really strumbled out of the gate this season. Unless a trade or two are made, Deron Williams and Co. may have a lot of free time in June.
9) Oklahoma City Thunder (11) - Things are really coming together for the Thunder as they possess a very respectable 14-14 record. Even if they come up a little short this season, Oklahoma City will be a major factor in the playoffs for the next decade in the West.
10) New Orleans Hornets (7) – Byron Scott is already gone and the Hornets are nothing more than a sub .500 team.
11) Sacramento Kings (12) – The Kings have played very well with leading scorer Kevin Martin sidelined…and they might be a better team without him. Rookie sensation Tyreke Evans and the Jewish Jordan have brought hope to a moribund franchise that has an outside chance at a playoff berth. I didn’t think this team had a prayer of winning 25 games, but there is a lot of young talent on the roster and the future looks very bright.
12) Memphis Grizzlies (13) – I was very high on the Grizzlies prior to the start of the year and they have lived up to my expectations. Zach Randolph is playing at an all-star level and Memphis will be a formidable foe for every team in the conference other than the Lakers.
13) Los Angeles Clippers (10) – While Vinny Del Negro will likely be the next coach to go, Mike Dunleavy isn’t far behind.
14) Golden State Warriors (14) – The Warriors will always be Team Turmoil until Nellie decides to call it a career.
15) Minnesota Timberwolves (15) – Al Jefferson, Kevin Love and Jonny Flynn form a nice foundation, but the rest of the roster needs a major overhaul.
For the first time in recent memory there are three phenomenal new comedies on the boob tube this season. I’ve already posted on multiple occasions about my adoration for The League and Community, but I’m going on record right now to say that Modern Family is the best new show of the year. Bar none.
Ed O’Neil is back and better than ever as Jay…an Al Bundyesque character that delivers guaranteed laughs in every episode. As great as O’Neil is in the show, his trophy wife Sofia Vergara is even better. Not only does Vergara look spectacular, but her character Gloria steals every scene she’s in.
If you haven’t seen Modern Family yet, I really can’t recommend it enough. As we head into the weekend, here are a few links Sofia thinks you should check out:
Drew Brees, Peyton Manning and Brandon Marshall were pretty good last weekend but one person was much better Gunaxin
A lot of funny things happened this past week, but two definitely stood out as far as I’m concerned. In an interview with Oprah Winfrey, President Barack Obama proudly proclaimed that he deserved “a solid B+” for his first year in office.
Huh? This is like Eric Mangini saying he deserves a B+ for the job he has done with the Cleveland Browns. Maybe Obama thought the grade should be based on how fast he could spend government money. Perhaps he felt his Nobel Peace prize justified such a lofty grade.
I voted for you POTUS, but let’s keep it real. Based on your performance to date you deserve no higher than a C and truth be told the grade should really be an INC for incomplete.
Although Barack’s delusion of grandeur was very funny, it wasn’t the Funniest Moment of the Week. That honor goes to…
Big Daddy Andy Reid for his 3 1/2 inch vertical leap while “chest bumping” DeSean Jackson. This is pure comedy gold and it just doesn’t get any funnier.
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