Pacman Jonesin' - A Sports Entertainment Blog

Singer R. Kelly, who is still trying to rehab his image after being acquitted of child pornography charges a few years ago, is facing more legal trouble in Illnois, and yes, it’s related to his activities with a minor female.

According to MediaTakeOut, Kelly is currently under investigation by the Olympia Fields Police Department on suspicions of statutory rape.  The site says cops recently searched Kelly’s home, looking for evidence of his activities with an unnamed girl who is currently of-age in Illinois, but wasn’t a few months ago when Kelly was allegedly doing stuff with her he wasn’t supposed to (let’s hope taping wasn’t involved).

The police reportedly have signed affidavits from witnesses placing the girl at Kelly’s residence on consecutive nights prior to her 17th birthday.  Officials from Olympia Fields Police Department confirmed to MediaTakeOut that they are continuing their investigation.  Kelly is presently in South Africa on tour, and if he’s smart, he’ll remain outside the country a la Roman Polanski.

You have to seriously question the intelligence and sanity of a guy who would follow up narrowly escaping prison for messing with young girls by messing with another young girl.  What the hell’s wrong with the 20-year-olds R.?

Tiger Woods was put in an unusual spot by football legend Jim Brown:  the golfing king was actually criticized (cue the dramatic music) and had to defend himself.  Brown’s criticism had nothing to do with Tiger’s golf game though; it was all about Tiger’s profile in the black community, and his unwillingness to speak out on social issues.

Tiger was given a chance to respond by lapdog interviewer Mike Wilbon on ESPN, and his defense of himself was pretty weak.  “Well I’ve kinda got this foundation you know,” Tiger said (I’m paraphrasing), “and I think it does a pretty good job you know.  So old Mr. Meanie Jim Brown can just go take a flying leap as far as I’m concerned.”

Yeah, Tiger’s not used to anyone saying anything bad about him, even though he sort of invites it by coming across as exactly the kind of smug prick you would expect a man to be if he were rich, had a ridiculously hot trophy wife and spent most of his time playing golf.

Actually, if Tiger had really wanted to answer Brown and not snivel his way around it, he could’ve just come out and told Brown to shove it up his wrinkly old butt.  And then what would Brown have said?  I don’t know, and I don’t think Tiger would’ve cared.  You don’t have to care about much when you’re on your way to having a billion in the bank, except where to park your yacht.

You won’t find Tony Romo bad-mouthing Terrell Owens now that Terrell Owens has made his way out of Dallas and landed in Buffalo – even though Terrell Owens has had lots of bad things to say about Tony Romo.

It’s called taking the high-road, and Tony Romo is very good at it.  Just look at the way he places himself above the fray by complimenting T.O. in this quote:

He’s a great player, and I think it’s going to be hard to replace a player of his ability and his talent.  That’s not easy to do with a guy that talented.

Romo knows how to play the game.  Let the other guy talk shit about you, then stand there and act like it’s nothing.  Of course, deep down inside, Tony is very hurt.  He was T.O.’s quarterback.  That was a special relationship they had, full of tears and…other stuff I don’t really want to think about.  But, somewhere in there, it went bad.  Maybe that weekend when Tony and Jason Witten had a sleepover and didn’t invite T.O.  I don’t know.  Point is, it went bad, and stuff was said.  And Tony, being a gentleman, has elected not to get involved in a war of words with a guy who used to bawl for him on national television.  Probably a good move.

Normally being down 10-1 is a cue for a team to pack it in, but don’t tell that to the Baltimore Orioles, who fell 9 runs behind to the Red Sox Tuesday night and ended up winning the game.  They did it by scoring 5 in both the 7th and 8th innings, the final, game-winning run coming with Jonathan Papelbon on the hill (the run was actually credited to Takashi Saito).

I’m guessing Papelbon didn’t figure he’d be getting any work in that game, after the Sox went up 10-1.  That’s normally the kind of night where the closer can take off his cleats, find a nice quiet corner away from the battery-chuckers and have a snooze.  Sucks when you’re in the middle of a nice sex dream and someone shakes you and says, “Dude, get warmed up,” and you’re like, “But we were up 10-1 bro,” and he’s like, “That was before man.  This is now.”

Michael Curry had to deal with a lot as Pistons coach:  a misbegotten trade that sent away his best player Chauncey Billups, the impossible task of mixing Allen Iverson into the offense, the aging of guys like Rasheed Wallace and the inevitable meltdown of the aforementioned Iverson who finally had to be sent home.  Despite all of it, Curry managed to get Detroit into the playoffs.  His reward?  Walking papers.

“This was a difficult decision to make,” GM Joe Dumars explained. “I want to thank Michael for his hard work and dedication to the organization. However, at this time, I have decided to make a change.”

Reports say Dumars wants to make a big splash in free agency this off-season and was worried that Curry’s reputation for clashing with veteran players would hamper these efforts.  Detroit must now presumably find a coach these big free agents would want to play for.  Avery Johnson has been mentioned – but didn’t he get run out of Dallas because his players didn’t like him?  Retread Doug Collins has also been tapped as a potential replacement for Curry.

One guy who probably won’t be considered?  Bill Laimbeer, who recently quit as coach of the Detroit WNBA franchise.  Don’t know what this says about Dumars’ relationship with his old teammate Bill.  I do know that, if Joe doesn’t turn things around this year, he’ll be joining Curry on the unemployment line.

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The Yankees made a move to shore up their outfield, acquiring Eric Hinske from the Pittsburgh Pirates for a couple of minor league guys who will never matter.

Fans hoping Hinske can be to the Yanks what former Pirate Jason Bay has been to the Red Sox:  you might as well put such crazy notions out of your mind.  Hinske was hitting only .255 with 1 homer and 11 RBI with Pittsburgh.

Hinske is expected to play all three outfield spots for the Yanks, and also spell A-Rod at third on those days when A-Rod is too tired from partying with Kate Hudson.

Anna Kournikova was apparently wasting her time with that whole tennis thing.  What she should’ve been doing was trying to start a wrestling career, if this story from Page 6 is any indication:

Anna Kournikova got into a fight Saturday night in Las Vegas after an unidentified woman threw a drink at the tennis ace. Kournikova and her pals were partying at Lavo after attending the Hardbat Classic table tennis tournament when a woman at the next table “threw a drink at Anna. She felt Anna was invading her space,” our source said. Kournikova “sprung into action” and starting screaming at the woman and shoving her. “It was a big fight,” the spy said. The woman was kicked out only after leaving Kournikova with some vicious scratch marks on her neck. Kournikova’s rep didn’t return calls.

Kournikova should buy herself a pair of spandex tights, then get on the horn to Vince McMahon.  I’ve got a nickname all picked out for her too:  The Ragin’ Rooskie.  Enrique Iglesias could be her manager, unless he finds that too demeaning.  And her special finishing move?  The Killer Backhand.  I smell fake sports gold.

You never know what you’re going to see when you go on Chris Cooley‘s blog.  It’s possible you could catch a glimpse of Cooley’s junk in a picture of him studying his playbook…or you could read a story about the time Chris and his homies rolled up on a dead bovine and decided to dispose of the body in a way that would make the Mythbusters proud:

We were cruising around on our new land in Wyoming the other day and we found an old dead cow. So we decided that we would get rid of it by setting it on fire. Needless to say, it was a success. I will post the video of it soon, but for now here are some pictures.

I personally can’t wait for that video.  I doubt it will be as awesome as the exploding whale, but it will be awesome enough.