new england patriots

Elderly linebacker Junior Seau says that, though he is retired as of now, he will be ready to suit up again come October or November should some team (called the Patriots) need his services. Seau was then asked why it’s so hard for people like him and Brett Favre to just admit that it’s over and move on.  “Because you still can play the game,” Seau replied.  “That’s the only reason. I mean, to allow other decision makers besides your faith when there’s an opportunity, I think we’re always going to hold on to that opportunity as long as we [...]

Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen might want to find some new ways to amuse themselves, unless they want to give Bill Belichick and all Patriots fans a heart attack: Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen caused quite a splash at Community Boating Inc. on Beacon Hill the other day when the New England Patriots QB/QT flipped his rented kayak and had to be fished out of the Charles River! “They got wet,” said Someone Who Was There. “But they seemed to have a great time.” According to our spies, Tom and Gi rented a pair of kayaks from the sailing club [...]

The doctor who fixed Tom Brady‘s knee has expressed astonishment at the swiftness with which the quarterback has recovered from the injury that prematurely ended his 2008 season: Speaking publicly for the first time about the NFL star’s surgery and physical rehabilitation, [Dr. Neal] ElAttrache told The Times that Brady “even exceeded what I thought he was going to be able to do, and I was expecting big things from him.” With Brady’s permission, ElAttrache spoke about the knee reconstruction, treatment of a subsequent infection, and the patient’s unwavering focus to recuperate in time to play this season. “With regard [...]

The L.A. Times gives the lowdown on the arrest of former Patriots and Colts LB Eric Naposki for his part in the 1995 slaying of a businessman: In the early 1990s, wealthy Newport Beach businessman Bill McLaughlin answered a personal ad from a woman that read: “I know how to take care of my man if he knows how to take care of me.” McLaughlin hit it off with Nanette Packard McNeal and they started dating. Soon, McLaughlin, the head of a successful medical technology firm, was financially supporting McNeal and her two children and even provided them with a beachfront [...]

Ellis Hobbs isn’t bitter at Bill Belichick for unexpectedly trading him to the Eagles for two draft picks – in fact, Hobbs went out of his way during an appearance on ESPN to insist that Belichick isn’t actually the heartless figure he is perceived to be.  “Bill gets a hard time amongst the media, amongst you guys, and in the public,” Hobbs told the ever-feminine Dana Jacobson. “If anything, I’d say he’s like the Hunchback of Notre Dame without the face and the hunchback. Rough exterior, but he has a kind heart and he means well. He just goes about [...]

NFL defenders who lunge at the quarterback’s knees from the ground will now be hit with a penalty, say the powers-that-be within the nation’s richest and formerly toughest professional league.  The Tom Brady Rule – so named because it stems directly from Brady’s knee injury in Week 1 of 2008 – is just the latest in a series of rule changes that are threatening to turn the NFL from the National Football League into the No Football League.  Maybe the NFL should just change its name to “Major League Baseball” and be done with it. Naturally, the NFL powers are [...]

The Jay Cutler flap has officially evolved into a disaster.  It was supposed to all get fixed this weekend when Jay finally met face-to-face with coach Josh McDaniels, but when it was over, Cutler was madder than ever at the Broncos, and instructed his agent Bus Cook to request a trade.  It all started because McDaniels, former Patriots offensive coordinator, had a hard-on for his old quarterback Matt Cassel and tried to bring him over in a trade.  Josh would’ve done well to heed the 11th Commandment:  Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Former Team’s Quarterback.  Being a man, you’d think [...]

The collective sports media have been trying for days to unearth a team that has even a shred of interest in signing disgraced former Cowboys wide receiver Terrell Owens…and it looks like someone has finally found one.  Sadly for T.O., the team rumored to want him isn’t one of those believed to be at the top of his wishlist.  It’s not the New England Patriots, Indianapolis Colts or New York Giants (T.O. aims high).  Instead it’s the Buffalo Bills, who are not, it’s safe to say, anyone’s idea of a team on the cusp of a Super Bowl run. Now, [...]